Flames of Passion
by The Magical Illusion
Summary: He sighed; he’d never actually tried to put this into words before, just a loose feeling inside his own head." NoahKit KirstyKane. New chapter up.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: This is my first fanfiction trembles set at the time of the DIC fire as I thought that whole thing was over and done with far too quickly and I think more could have been made of Kit thinking Noah was going to die _and_ I'm still not buying him getting over her so quickly. Also, the actual fire seemed a bit lame to me (eg. Noah being knocked out by what seemed like a paperback book and how Max was apparently 'trapped' and all Kane had to do to 'rescue' him was tell him to walk out).**

**So deep breath here goes...**

Noah Lawson heaved a heavy sigh and sank back into his chair. Massaging his forehead with his fingertips, he looked at the room around him. The office held so many memories, so many words.  
  
He smiled briefly, remembering some of the too few good times at the Centre. Like when the first girl he ever counselled bought him a present to thank him – a slightly rough looking, faded pink teddy bear, with one of its eyes missing and felt dangling from its paw. It had been one of her childhood favourites, and in giving him this small token of appreciation she had made his week – even if he _was_ slightly concerned about her insinuations with the colour. Simple things like that meant more to him than any money ever could, just to know he helped someone, had made their life that little bit more bearable.  
  
He smirked sheepishly to himself as he remembered the time when he and Hayley had stayed up all night to finish her essay, but had ended up doing so much more. Or when he and Kit had... he mentally shook himself, stopping his trail of thought. He didn't want to go there, again.  
  
He scuffed his feet along the floor of his former office and raked his fingers through his hair. The drop in centre was being demolished tomorrow, to liquidate Josh's 'assets'. As much as Noah hated to admit it Josh West had beaten him again, just as with Hayley. But he guessed that was the way things worked, people like him always lost out and people like Josh always won.  
  
He picked up a stack of files from inside the desk draw and dropped them slightly untidily into the cardboard box at his side. He felt like he'd failed. Failed all the kids who had no-one and needed him so badly. After everything that had happened with his mum he felt he needed to help out kids who were in trouble, so they wouldn't have to suffer in silence like he had.  
  
Of course, no-one knew what he went through as a kid, not really. Sure, some of them might have gotten some idea when his mum turned up in the bay, but he never told anyone the whole truth, not even Hayley, not even Jude. He could never tell anyone the real truth. He forgot about it himself most of the time, or he blocked it out, erased it from his memory...whatever.  
  
Flynn had helped him no end during his counselling. He knew there were things Noah wasn't telling him, but let it go. Forcing it out of him wasn't going to help and he figured that the younger man would talk to him if ever he needed to.  
  
Like Flynn, one of the reasons Noah was so good at his job was because he could relate to the kids he was helping. He wouldn't push them to tell him something but would always be there if they needed to talk. The kids liked him. He was actually interested in them as people and genuinely wanted to help, rather than just thinking of them as a number to be added to a file and sent off to the government to show how well he was doing. That was what Kit had said about him when he had helped her. Well at least he thought he was helping her, but really he knew that he'd just made things worse. Everyone else knew differently of course (including Kit herself), there was no way that she could have won her battle with the booze and lived to tell the tale without Noah.

* * *

He stayed absorbed in his memories of Kit until he noticed Jesse waving a hand in front of his face, bemusement engraved in his forehead. Noah turned his body towards his friend, awaiting a reason for this intrusion into his thoughts.  
  
"I managed to get some helium," stated Jesse, "for the balloons," he added, seeing his friend's vacant expression, "for the party." Noah nodded.  
  
"As in, to blow them up with," motioned Jesse, tilting his head to the side confused by Noah's blank expression. "As in, do you want me to do it now...Noah?"  
  
"What...uh yeah... What?!" Noah questioned, oblivious to anything the older man had said in the past minute or so.  
  
"Look, mate," said Jesse, "I know today must be difficult for you, what with the Centre closing and seeing all you've worked for come to an end, but-  
  
"I wasn't really thinking about that."  
  
"Oh, ok then... anything I can help with?" Noah shook his head.  
  
"No, its cool," he replied, perhaps a little too quickly.  
  
"Right, I'll get on with this then." Jesse gestured towards the huge pile of multi-coloured balloons.  
  
"On with what?"  
  
Jesse just chuckled to himself and walked into the main room, deciding that Noah's mind was somewhere else entirely, somewhere completely unreachable to Jesse McGregor. "I might tell you sometime mate, when your head gets back from wherever its at right now," he shouted behind him.  
  
Noah ignored him and once again set to the unenviable task of emptying the bottomless filing cabinet. He had been doing this for about five minutes, and had made no headway, when Alex bustled up towards him with a scowl. Noah resisted his overwhelming urge to utter the words 'wind', 'blow', 'face' and 'stick' and waited for his friends inevitable rant.  
  
After several minutes of constant Hayley-bashing Noah was starting to get bored. The story went that Alex had apparently tried to serenade and woo his girlfriend in front of her gym class when the girl quite obviously did not want to be wooed, did Noah care about this...no. He chuckled slightly to himself as he wondered why it was that his best friends always seem to turn out to be complete jerks. Ah! he realised... they all go out with Hayley.  
  
Maybe he was better off without her after all, he decided, it wasn't as if she'd be interested in him now that she had Alex, and it wasn't her he _really_ wanted anyway. He wanted Kit.  
  
No. He stopped his thoughts from drifting to her for the one hundredth time that hour. She'd rejected him after their kiss at the dance, when he'd finally decided that she was The One. So now he had to move on. But getting over Kit Hunter was proving to be much harder than he could ever have anticipated.

* * *

The Drop in Centre closing party was in full swing. Noah had said the customary words of commiseration and a toast had been made. Everyone seemed to be having a good time - in spite of the imminent closure of the building.  
  
Hayley and Alex were oh-so-obviously back together, with lots of kissing, cuddling and all the associated look-at-us-we're-so-happy-and-in-love isms. Noah found himself strangely nonchalant to this development. Instead, he busied himself with enjoying the party and saying goodbye to all the kids, maybe he had finally gotten over his ex.  
  
The spread of finger food and refreshments that Leah had put on was fast disappearing, her and Colleen having obviously underestimated the consuming power of hoards of hungry teenagers. Jesse volunteered to retrieve the final tray of sandwiches from the kitchen. However, as he placed his hand around the door handle he realised that it was strangely warm, and on opening the door discovered the reason behind this. The kitchen was on fire.  
  
He closed the door and calmly spread the word to evacuate the Centre, as the smoke began to take its hold on the building. Flynn ushered the group outside and made sure that everyone was accounted for and a safe distance away from the fire.  
  
"Is everyone out?" asked Jesse, urgency in his voice.  
  
"Yeah, yeah I think so," replied a slightly dazed Noah, he couldn't believe how quickly the fire had spread, and dreaded to think what would happen if anyone was still in there.  
  
From amongst the coughing and spluttering people, a distressed Colleen emerged. "Max! Where's Max?!" Immediately panic spread amongst the group.  
  
"Max!"  
"Maxie!"  
"Where is he?!"  
"Max! Maaaxxx!"  
  
Noah's mind raced, he already felt enough of a failure not being able to save the Centre from the creditors, but he wouldn't ever be able to forgive himself if he let a kid die. "He's still in there, he's..." Before he actually realised what he was doing he was zipping up his jacket and racing towards the door of the burning Drop in Centre, ignoring Flynn's shouts and Jesse's failed attempts to pull him back.  
  
"Noah! Noah!"  
"Noah please don't..."  
"Be careful!"  
  
He swung his arm around his head in defence as he entered the building, and flinched as the heat immediately hit his skin and the smoke stung his eyes. "Max!" He couldn't find him.  
  
"Noah! Help! I'm in here!...Noah! Help! Come on Noah Help!"  
  
He hurried towards the direction of Max's voice – in the bedroom. The smoke had started to take effect; invading his lungs and making him struggle for breath. He grabbed a towel from one of the beds and moved towards Max, beckoning him forward. He heard a loud crash and felt a sharp pain in his head, and then... Nothing. 

**So...you like?? Any reviews would be very much appreciated, particularly constructive ones, as this is my first fic points to top and I probably still have a lot to learn.**

**Becky xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

Kit Hunter strolled along the beach and looked out to sea. She was enjoying the tug of the breeze in her hair and the pleasant feeling of the soft sand between her toes. The sun was just beginning to set, casting a beautiful auburn glow across the Bay.  
  
She would miss this. The beach, the ocean, the clean fresh air, the welcoming community feel. When she had arrived in Summer Bay she thought it was just another little seaside town, where the people were trapped in their own little bubble, and everyone stuck their noses into everyone else's business. To an extent Summer Bay _was_ like this, but Kit had fallen in love with it.  
  
She stood for a while, absorbing the view. She was leaving for the city tomorrow to start University, to start afresh. A new start in a new place with new people was exactly what she needed. It was the final step in recovering from her alcoholism, she could never be completely cured of it, rather, she had to learn to cope. Moving out on her own was the biggest test of all, it would determine whether she was strong enough to stay dry for the rest of her life.  
  
At least, this was the reason she had convinced herself she was going for, and what she had told everyone else. But the truth was, she needed to get away from the bay for a different reason... Noah. It hurt too much to be near him and to know that she could never be with him.  
  
The kiss at the dance was the most perfect kiss she had ever had, so awkwardly sweet like in all the best romantic films... until she broke away and ran. The little voice inside her head knew that she was still running even now, but she would never admit that to herself.  
  
She couldn't set herself up to be hurt again, she was too scared. He would love her and leave her and it would be too much for her to bear. After the dance she knew he felt _something_ for her, but it was too late, he had hurt her too much. A relationship with Noah would be playing with fire and she could no longer risk getting burnt.  
  
During their counselling sessions Kit had told Noah everything about her, things she had never told anyone before. He had helped her come to terms with her fathers death and she trusted him more than anyone she had ever met. She would trust him with her life, but never with her heart; it had been wounded too many times before, and she was running out of band-aids.  
  
Kit smiled a bittersweet, slightly regretful smile and slowly walked towards the steps, allowing her thoughts to drift to Noah for a while longer. As she reached the top, she looked at the Bay for one last time and turned towards the Drop in Centre. The place in which they first met would be the perfect place for a final goodbye. The last time she would ever see her 'beach boy', except... he wasn't hers, and never would be.

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**Firstly, thankyou to Julia for her review :)  
  
Secondly, I know this chapter was a lot shorter, but it just seemed right to end it there. What I have written next doesn't fit very well if its read straight on. This was only intended to be a few paragraphs at the _start_ of Chapter 2 but it grew. Also apologies for lack of action in this chapter, there will be lots in the next one I promise.  
  
Thirdly, I shamelessly ask you to please review. **


	3. Chapter 3

Max screamed. Noah wasn't moving. The wooden rafter that had fallen from the ceiling and knocked him out lay just a few inches from his head, red-hot flames eroding its shape, dangerously close.  
  
Panic filled Max's body, he didn't know what to do, Noah was unconscious and it was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe. Even if he _could_ get out without Noah's help - which was extremely doubtful - he couldn't just leave his friend there to die when it was his fault that the older boy was in there in the first place.  
  
He could see no way to get to Noah that didn't involve the risk of being crushed under a section of roof, but decided that since this was his only chance of getting out alive, it was a risk that there was no hope of avoiding. Tentatively, he collected himself and began to weave his way around the smouldering wooden beams and other debris that had fallen from the ceiling. He flinched and yelped slightly as he narrowly missed more falling rubble, but eventually reached Noah. Placing his hands under Noah's shoulders he dragged his heavy upper body away from the burning rafter. The effort made him even more breathless.  
  
Another deafening crash was heard. This time in another part of the building. Max knelt up and peered round the doorframe and through the smoke, to his horror realising that more beams had fallen, blocking the entrance to the front door. All hope drained from the boy's body as he turned back to Noah and shook him frantically. He didn't know what else to do, his only hope was Noah.  
  
Minutes past and Max found himself getting weaker and weaker, he hoarsely screamed into Noah's ear, desperately willing him to wake up. He was still breathing but was unconscious. Max slumped slightly across his friend's motionless body, as a single tear traced its way down his face leaving a trail of sorrow behind it.  
  
"Please", he choked, "Please...don't let me die" 

* * *

Outside the burning building, amidst the sound of panic-stricken people and the flames ripping the air, Flynn silently cursed Noah. He was always going on at him to think things through before jumping in with both feet, but did he ever listen?  
  
Flynn was worried about him. Ever since the day Noah had walked into his office, a tough, slightly cocky looking teenager with masses of bleached blond hair and three rings in his ear, Flynn had grown very close to the younger man. He knew that underneath the bravado, he was just a very scared kid, crying out for help. Even now, when Noah had got his life sorted out and was a much more confident young man, Flynn felt like he had to look out for him, as much as Noah would try to resist.  
  
So now he was very worried about his friend. A part of him wanted to dive into the building, but the trained soldier and doctor in him knew that it would only make things worse. He was having a lot of trouble convincing Jesse that this was the case, "Jess, it'll only make the firemen's jobs a lot harder if they have to bring three people out instead of two," he reasoned.  
  
"But we cant just stand here and do nothing," argued Jesse.  
  
"There's nothing else we can do at the moment mate, I know it's hard, but all we can do is wait."  
  
Jesse sighed dejectedly, and began to shout to the people trapped inside once more, he knew Flynn was right.  
  
"If anything happens..." whimpered Colleen, "...I should have paid more attention."  
  
"Noah'll get him out, it's ok," Dani assured her, trying to convince herself as much as Colleen. She searched around the group of people with her eyes for the one-hundredth time, as if this would in some way help to find her cousin and friend. All she found though, was a very anxious looking Kit.  
  
"What's going on?!" she questioned, jogging up to the group. "Is everyone ok?" Her mind immediately flickered to Noah. The guy she loved. If anything had happened to him she'd... she didn't know what she'd do. It would be like losing her dad all over again.  
  
"Oh it's terrible," replied Colleen, "Noah and Max are still in there!"  
  
"What?" shouted Kit. She felt a sudden empty lurching feeling inside her and her chest hurt. Her heart felt as if someone was ripping it from inside her. 'No no no no no no no this cant be happening' she told herself 'this isn't happening'. But it was.  
  
She made a break for the building, she had to get him out, but Flynn and Jesse grabbed her and dragged her kicking, screaming form back to a safe distance away from the flames. She had that surreal feeling of not realising that what is happening is actually happening, like she was watching herself in a film.  
  
Flynn promised her that the fire crew were on their way, and they'd get Noah out and he'd be fine. She wasn't convinced, but decided she was powerless to do anything to help so busied herself with sitting, worrying and feeling useless. She tried to block the thoughts of what Noah could be going through out of her mind, of him being unconscious, terribly injured or worse... it didn't bare thinking about.  
  
This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She was supposed to come over and they'd talk and say goodbye and she'd walk away from him to start again. But she couldn't do it, she couldn't switch her feelings off and she couldn't block him out of her life anymore. She _had_ to take the risk, she _had_ to stop running, she _had_ to be with him. She made a silent promise to herself that if Noah survived this, then she would give a relationship a go, even if that _was_ only as friends. And if he didn't survive, then... He had to be ok.

* * *

In the bedroom, Noah slowly, painfully opened his eyes. The glowing orange light around him bore into his eyes and made his head throb, a surging pain stabbing into his skull. He closed them momentarily, trying to gather his senses. The first thing he became conscious of was the heat on his skin, making beads of sweat trickle out of ever pore and run down his body. Then the smoke. He began to wheeze and gasp for air, desperately trying to get oxygen into his lungs. Then the memory hit him, of his past, his mother... He screwed his eyes up trying to banish the thought. This was not the time to dwell on things like that, but it was _so_ vivid...  
  
_The heat.  
  
Her gripping his arm and digging her nails into his skin as he tried to resist. His bare skin moving closer and closer to the gas hob, to the flames. The tears rolling down his cheeks as he fought vainly against her.  
  
"I have to do this, you know I have to do this Noah"  
  
"No, no, please leave me alone"  
  
His arm getting closer, the heat.  
  
"You've committed a sin Noah, a sin against God, you must be punished."  
  
The calmness of her voice, her breath against his cheek.  
  
"I'm doing this for your own good Noah, It's what God wants me to do, you know that."  
  
The heat getting stronger, the smell of her perfume, the sound of a bird outside, the terrible terrible searing pain as his skin made contact with the flame..._  
  
He took a deep breath, he had to forget, had to lock it away again. He had to get out of the burning building.  
  
He became aware of Max leaning on him, barely conscious. He knew he had to get them both out. Somehow. Though at that moment, the effort needed simply to stand seemed far too great.  
  
Eventually finding strength from somewhere, he dragged Max up, and staggered into the hallway towards the front door, coughing and choking on the smoke all the way. The air was unbearably thick.  
  
His face fell as he saw the wall of flames and debris blocking his path to their exit. Deciding that it was too risky to chance fighting his way through with Max, he turned to escape the back way, through the office window. He heaved both his and Max's bodies through the main room and towards the window, almost losing his footing as another throb of pain shot to his head.  
  
As he reached the window he pulled his fleece sleeve over his hand and punched through the glass. It shattered on impact, some pieces falling to the floor and some waiting in jagged shards around the edges.  
  
The flames became more and more fierce and several bangs and explosions could be heard from other rooms in the building. Guessing that it wouldn't be long before the flames engulfed the office too; Noah threw Max through the middle of the window before half-climbing half-crawling through himself, and collapsing on the grass at the back of the Centre in exhaustion. The edges of the broken glass had sliced into his skin and blood had begun to trickle through his jacket, leaving a crimson polka dot pattern on his sleeve.  
  
With one huge final effort, he dragged himself and Max away from the blazing building, before finally allowing his body to gasp for the air it so desperately needed.

* * *

Unaware that Max and Noah were now relatively safe and outside of the building, the panic level at the front of the Drop in Centre had increased fourfold. A situation that was not helped by a very concerned looking Kane running up to the crowd and demanding to know where Kirsty was.  
  
"Kirsty's gone with Scott to get Beth." Flynn assured him.  
  
Kane turned to Kit, who was shaking uncontrollably. He knew something was very wrong, he just didn't know what.  
  
"Noah and Max are still in there," pleaded Kit, she knew that if anyone was likely to run into the inferno now it would only be Kane. She was right. Kane followed his instincts and purposefully ran towards the fire, disappearing into the smoke. Flynn and Jesse tried to grab hold of him... "Kane!" "Kane you can't go in there!" ...but they were too late. He was already inside.  
  
He kicked his way through the rubble blocking the entrance and was able to move some of the burning rafters with his hands - as they were still bandaged from the mineshaft. The bandages provided some protection to the flames and Kane was able to move forwards into the direction of the bedroom, failing to avoid some of the debris as it fell but somehow managing to remain upright. Until the smoke hit his lungs and he was forced to lean against a wall to support himself, he threw his hand over his mouth and started to cough and wheeze for air.  
  
After regaining a small amount of composure he made it to the boys bedroom, but could see no sign of Noah or Max. He made to shout out but no noise came, the fumes choked him and his eyes stung so much it became difficult to see. Drowsily he stumbled into the main room. His eyes searching urgently for any sign of life but finding nothing only fire and grey air.  
  
He turned towards the office but was attacked by the loudest noise he had ever heard and was thrown viciously onto a hard surface. He became vaguely aware of something pressing against his back. Before realising the horrifying reality that the entire room was engulfed with flames. He again motioned to shout out for help, but again no sound came – he was totally alone.  
  
He noticed a strange tingling sensation rise up his left arm before feeling a familiar searing pain spreading over his back. He wheezed and struggled for breath, the pain in his back grew steadily stronger until it became almost unbearable and he feared he would pass out. He didn't have the physical or mental strength left inside him to move. He knew he was going to die.

**So, another chapter completed, comments...  
Im not sure about this chapter, some bits I'm happy with, others I'm not, such is life.**


	4. Chapter 4

The explosion had thrown Noah and Max backwards into the bushes. Noah had instinctively leant his body over Max to shield him from the huge cloud of fire and smoke that had burst through the Drop in Centre windows.

As the smoke encircled them and the crashing noises ceased momentarily, Noah thought he heard some kind of pained murmuring sound coming from inside. He listened again... but could no longer hear anything, so the strange noise was dismissed; he was hardly breathing, never mind thinking clearly, the sound was probably just in his head.

He began helping Max around to the front of the Centre when he heard it again, there was no mistaking it this time, there had definitely been a noise.

"Did you hear that," whispered Max.

"Yeah"

"You don't think someone's still in there...do you?!"

"No," Noah coughed "...everyone else made it out, Flynn checked."

Then the noise came again, this time louder, it sounded like a voice - well not quite a voice, more like a groan. Noah couldn't ignore it anymore, his conscience wouldn't allow him to. He pulled Max to a safe distance and then made a decision that went against every brain cell he had. With instinct as his only ally, he made his way towards the blaze for the second time that night.

* * *

Kit was distraught, all around her people were screaming and couples were holding each other protectively. She wondered if she would ever have someone to hold her like that, if she would ever have Noah. 

Despite Flynn's assurances, she knew that things were far from ok. After the explosion everyone had been made to get back. She was finding it hard to breathe and her eyes were stinging like hell from the smoke; she could only imagine what Noah was going through.

Flynn saw her distress and placed a comforting arm around her shoulders. Kit barely noticed, her mind was totally focused on Noah. Only he would be able to comfort her, only he had _ever_ been able to comfort her.

"Please don't let this happen... please... please don't let this happen" she pleaded, to no-one in particular. Tears began to trace down the contours of her face, their pace accentuated by the smoke irritating her eyes.

A few moments later the fire crew finally arrived. Flynn ran over to fill them in on the situation, feeling it was his duty as a doctor and member of the SAS.

"How long've they been in there?" questioned a guy who Flynn assumed to be the head firefighter, putting his yellow protective helmet on.

"Max and Noah...a few minutes mate. This other guy Kane just went in after them then."

The fireman sighed, this exact situation happened at least once a week, he hated have-a-go-heroes, they made his job so much harder. "You never, ever go back into a burning building," he lectured. Flynn nodded his understanding as if he hadn't already known this.

"Look, we don't want anymore heroes tonight, keep everyone away from the fire." Flynn nodded again, and set about moving the crowd of anxious people back for the hundredth time, and making way for the ambulances that he figured shouldn't be far off now.

* * *

Noah wearily but resolutely dragged his aching, choking body to the office window. He gingerly pulled himself through, again cutting his hands on the broken glass, and landed in a heap on the floor - he smoke inhalation had made his head whirl like it had been put in a tumble dryer and clumsiness was only to be expected. 

It was hotter than before, much hotter, and the smoke was thicker. The main room was completely alight and Noah struggled to see any possible way through it.

Once again the groaning sound spurred him into action. He grabbed a sheet from his desk and held it above his head, hoping it would shield him from the flames. He took a few heavy steps into the blaze and saw to his horror a figure writhing in agony on the ground, trapped between the wall and an upturned table.

Noah realised that if he stuck to a strip of clear floor near the wall then he would be able to reach the person, who he now saw was male. Noah staggered as quickly and steadily as possible to their side, he gasped slightly as he realised that it was Kane; his shirt was on fire along one of the arms and on his back, the material already welding itself to his skin and making him shake with the pain.

Noah knew he had to get himself and Kane out of the room fast, before the flames spread, so opted for the office again. He lifted his former enemy up by the underarms as gently as he could, not wanting to add to his pain. He had no time to wonder why on earth Kane was there, he just had to get him out of the main room and stop the flames.

Devastatingly slowly and painfully, he dragged Kane to the relative safety of the office. He shut the door behind them to keep the fire away for a bit longer, and desperately set about trying to subside the flames that had taken hold of Kane's body. Realising that he had nothing to stop them with, he pulled up the edge of the carpet, and tried to smother the flames away to the best of his barely conscious ability.

"It's ok mate, its gunna... b... be ok."he choked.

Trying to talk was a mistake; he felt the little energy he had left start to drain from his body. He gasped slightly, the intake of smoke unleashing a fresh batch of coughing and causing a severe pain in his throat.

Kane stopped murmuring and his eyes started to roll back into his head, the pain too much for his conscious body to handle. The burning had stopped, somehow realising him into unconsciousness.

With the effort of quelling the flames over, Noah realised his own agony, and collapsed onto the floor next to Kane. His throat was raw and his chest burned, he couldn't get any oxygen into his lungs. Desperately he grabbed his throat and gasped for air. The adrenalin that had kept him conscious was starting to fade, his eyelids drooped perilously low and pain racked his body. He closed his eyes and groaned, becoming delusional. He felt pain, couldn't breathe, and blacked out.

**Muahahaha... So, the question is... 'Who Survives?' You'll find out in the next chapter teehee.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Authors note: This is my first go at using flashbacks, so if they sound a bit dodgy, tell me and I'll poke you with a stick. Flashbacks in italics.**

Noah eased his eyes open slowly, he felt like he'd been asleep for years, though he was still so tired. He wearily glanced across to find a sleeping Kit curled up on a chair beside him, with one hand outstretched and resting on top of his protectively. The warmth from her skin felt soothing, evaporating some of the dull throbs of pain he felt.  
  
Looking only at Kit, he gently moved his hand underneath hers, rousing her from her sleep. She looked across to him instinctively, presuming that something was wrong. But to her great relief, she saw that his eyes were finally open. A soft warm smile spread across her face, lighting up her pretty features and putting some colour back into her cheeks.  
  
"Hey..." she squeezed his hand gently. It hurt to see him so weak, when she was used to seeing him so full of life.  
  
"Wha… what hap… hap…" Noah whispered hoarsely, feeling his eyes begin to close again, but resisting it.  
  
"Shhhhh…" Kit soothed, placing her other hand on his forehead and stroking his hair back tenderly, running her fingers delicately through his hair, trying to ease his distress "…its okay. Don't try and talk".  
  
Noah looked at her, waiting for her to tell him what happened. Kit glanced back at him, wondering how much to say.  
  
"There was a fire at the Drop in Centre, after the party, d'you remember?" Noah shook his head slightly as a signal for Kit to continue, still trying to win the battle to keep his eyes open.  
  
"Max was trapped inside, you stupidly went back in for him." She chastised him playfully. "But something must have happened in there because the fire guys had to carry you out. You weren't breathing, we thought you weren't gunna make it," Kit explained quietly, stroking his hair all the while. If it had been Old Kit doing this, then she would have stopped and made some smart remark long before now, but coming so close to losing him made her realise that life was far too short to play games with your feelings.  
  
"Jude's here… he's been here all the time, I sent him home to get some rest though – which was a task in itself I can tell you. He's staying at Sal and Flynn's." She paused, noticing Noah becoming very drowsy.  
  
"I'm just gunna go get Flynn, ok, I'll be back in a minute, don't go anywhere hey". His eyes were already closing, and she watched as he slowly drifted back into a morphine induced sleep, remembering once more just how close she had come to never seeing his face again…  
  
_The fire crew had been inside the building for minutes already, Kit – along with the rest of Summer Bay – was beginning to believe they weren't going to find anyone. Flynn and Jesse had informed the head fireman that Noah and Max were in the boys bedroom, meaning Kane should have found his way there too.  
  
As the four selected firefighters searched the Centre, equipped with protective clothing and searchlights on their helmets, they began to lose hope. The only room they hadn't searched was what they presumed to be an office. Three wooden beams were tightly blocking the door, which was locked – and opening it would release a torrent of flames into the office, which would further endanger the lives of anyone inside. So it was unreachable, from the front way at least. However, as this was their only remaining strand of hope, they decided to move out and around to the back of the Centre, to try and gain access through a window, or another door.  
  
As the team came into view outside the centre, with no sign of Noah, Kane or Max, the people stood outside assumed the worst.  
  
Dani flung herself into Scott's arms, and started to cry into his shoulder, as he draped himself around her quivering body. Dani was confused. Losing Max would be… impossible, and she was terrified of the prospect. But then another part of herself, deeper down, felt a tiny pang of glee that the same fate could await Kane. She might never have to see him again. He would be out of her and Kirsty's life forever, and that deep down part of her glowed with joy.  
  
Kit sank to her knees, resting on her heels and wrapping her arms tightly around her body. She could vaguely hear Flynn asking the firemen what was going on, she could vaguely hear burning… burning timber, or… something else.  
  
Flynn approached her, as the firemen started to run over towards the side of the Centre. "What's going on… what's happening… why're they not inside looking for Noah?" Kit questioned as Flynn came up to her and she got to her feet as Colleen, Jesse, Dani and Scott all huddled round to hear the answer.  
  
"Are they stopping? They cant give up… they… they cant Flynn" cried Dani, between sobs into Scott's tee-shirt.  
  
"Oh Dr. Saunders, just tell us, please" Colleen pleaded, she was blaming herself… if anything had happened to Maximus…  
  
Flynn put his hands up to cease further questions and tried to explain the situation as calmly and clearly as his voice allowed him, "They've not given up, they're going round the back way. They've searched everywhere apart form the office and they've found nothing, so they reckon the boys must be in there. But the entrance is blocked so they're gong to go in through the window at the back."  
  
"So they're definitely in there, in the office?"  
  
"What if they're not?"  
  
"How could…"  
  
Flynn raised his hands again. "Look" he said "they don't know for definite, but… they think so," he continued quickly noticing the scared glances, "they know what they're doing, that's the situation, and that's what's going to happen."  
  
Kit leant her head on Scott's other shoulder and tried to stop the tears from welling up in her eyes again.  
  
"Do they know what caused it yet?" asked her brother.  
  
"Yeah" replied Flynn, cautiously glancing at Jesse, "it… it was an electrical fire to start with, but the heat, it got to the helium canister, which caused the explosions" he finished, glancing at Jesse again. Jesse turned away from the group and sat on the grass, facing the blazing Drop in Centre, praying that everyone would get out alive, it was his fault that things had gotten so out of hand.  
  
Inside the building the firemen made their way to the office window, and stumbled across Max. He shakily told them what had happened and one of the firefighters brought him round to the front of the building to be met with a very relieved looking and teary Colleen, a lot of fussing from Dani, and a slightly heartened look from Kit – at least now she had hope. Flynn started to treat Max, all the while keeping one eye out for the two still inside.  
  
Kit turned her gaze to the direction Max had come from. 'Come on… come onnn… let him be ok… please let him be ok,' she muttered to herself, 'why is it taking so long?'  
  
She didn't have to wait long for her answer. The firemen soon returned, carrying a very unconscious Noah and Kane between them. Kit gasped as they lay Noah on the hard ground and as Flynn and the team of paramedics rushed over to him. From where Kit was standing, he looked dead._  
  
Kit came back into Noah's hospital room with Flynn in tow. "He woke up, but he's fallen back asleep again now" she explained to the doctor.  
  
Flynn nodded "That's good, he'll probably drift in and out of consciousness for a while." He paused and looked at Kit's face, she was taking his words with a pinch of salt, convincing herself that Noah was going to be better almost straight away. This most certainly wasn't the case. "Look. Kit. He's not totally out of the woods yet, I'm still not happy with his breathing."  
  
"But… you said that was a good sign, when you took him off the ventilator, you said it was a good sign."  
  
"Kit. It is a good sign, but he's still very weak. What he needs now is sleep and rest". Kit nodded, defeated. "D'you know where Jude's got to?" Flynn asked her.  
  
"Yeah," she replied, "I sent him home to get some sleep, and have a shower, and do other getting clean stuff. All he does when he's here is worry, so I told him he could do that just as well at home, and he might as well do something productive while he's doing it. He wasn't happy about it of course, he wanted to be here when Noah woke up, but I persuaded him round. He's so not used to me yet, I think he's quite scared of me actually, his face sometimes…" she chuckled slightly, remembering when she had told Jude rather abruptly and Kit-like, to 'shift himself' as she wanted to sit on his chair.  
  
She continued. "Really though, who can blame the guy. He comes to see his brother in hospital and finds some girl he's never even met velcroed to his bedside 24 hours a day, its bound to be quite strange. _And_ he's just had to take my word for it that I really am Noah's friend" Kit explained "I'll go ring him now, I promised I would if there was any change". _

* * *

Kit ran over to the huddle of medical staff and tried to force her way to Noah. She pushed through and knelt at the side of his head, opposite Flynn. One woman tried to drag her back by the shoulder but she wouldn't move. "Please" begged Kit. Flynn gave the woman a 'let her stay' glance, it was easier that way, he hadn't time to mess about.  
  
Noah was lay flat on his back with tubes being put into his arms and people touching, feeling and examining him all over. He wasn't moving and wasn't breathing. Flynn decided he would have to intubate him. "What are you doing?" Kit cried "don't hurt him!"  
  
"We need to get some fluids into him Kit, and I need to put this tube into his throat to help him breathe."  
  
Kit nodded her understanding, and grabbed hold of Noah's hand, squeezing it tightly and rubbing her thumb against his bleeding skin; making red swirls on the back of his hand, flecked with ash.  
  
Flynn was having great difficulty trying to intubate Noah, his windpipe was too swollen for the tube to pass down smoothly and time was running out. Eventually he got it, placed the bag on top and started to squeeze.  
  
"Flynn!"  
  
With Noah's airway secured, he handed over the bag to one of the paramedics, telling another to monitor his pulse, and rushed over to where Kane was lay and Jesse had just shouted to him.  
  
Kit watched Noah's chest rise and fall steadily and felt for a pulse in his wrist. In her experience it had always paid to do things herself. She felt that as long as she had hold of him and could feel his heart pumping, then he would be okay.  
  
Flynn knelt down by Kane and listened to his rugged breathing. He was positioned on his front due to the burns on his back, and had a drip in his arm, being pushed through by a paramedic to get the fluids into him quicker. Flynn knew that dehydration would make things much worse if they didn't get on top of it immediately.  
  
Kane's back was very severely burnt, so much so that the material from his tee-shirt had been welded to his skin, making it impossible to remove without peeling his skin off with it. The only thing Flynn could do was to try and keep him as stable as possible and get him to the burns unit at the hospital straight away.  
  
Quickly and clearly Flynn gave instructions to the ambos and turned in the direction of Noah again. Hearing Kit shout "Nooooo!"  
  
The female paramedic shouted that they'd 'lost his pulse'. Though he was scared for his friends life, Flynn was on autopilot, so calmly started chest compressions and shouted for the defibrillator as the female paramedic continued to breathe for Noah.  
  
Kit was told to get back as Flynn roughly tore open Noah's shirt and placed two orange pads on his chest. Then shocked him. Kit looked on in horror as Noah's whole body almost came off the ground with the force of it… but then was just as still as it had been before. Flynn looked to the person feeling for a pulse, and when they shook their head, adjusted a switch on the machine and called "Charging to two hundred, stand clear!"  
  
Still there was nothing, so Flynn went up a notch.. still nothing. Finally, knowing that this was Noah's last real chance, Flynn called "Charging again to three sixty! Clear!" and thumped the paddles into Noah's chest.  
  
Silence. The paramedic checked for a pulse again, all eyes on her. Kit's face ready to crumble…  
  
"I've got a pulse" she breathed, relieved. Flynn, let out a deep breath, and set about making Noah as stable as was possible for the journey to hospital.  
  
"Don't do that to me again mate, yeah, hang in there for me" he muttered.  
  
Kit placed both her hands on Noah's, squeezing it hard – desperately holding on to his perilously weak pulse. Tears trickled down her face for the second time that night, she had so very nearly lost him.

* * *

Noah was quickly carried into the ambulance, with Kit by his side and still gripping his hand tightly. She ignored the paramedic's protests of 'family only', no way was she letting go of him now. She sat back against the seat at the side.  
  
One of the paramedics wrenched his hand from hers, insisting that she let them do their job, and that they needed space to do it in. Kit felt cold; cold without his touch. She folded her arms together and leant as close to Noah as the paramedic would allow.  
  
Flynn was in the other ambulance with Kane, but assured Kit he'd be there as soon as they arrived at the hospital. It still wasn't real.  
  
As the ambulance doors were swung open, Kits daze like state was broken, and she began running through the double doors of A&E just behind Noah and the crowd of people around him, keeping him alive. She tried to follow as they moved into a room, but was pulled back by a nurse – who made it clear there would be no arguments this time.  
  
"I need to know what's going on, I need to know he's okay" Kit explained rather hysterically. The nurse made her sit down and said that she would tell her what was happening as soon as she knew herself.  
  
Kit sat alone in that waiting room for what seemed like a year of her life, the worst year of her life, her mind running over and over the images from the previous hour. Only an hour, she thought, it felt like so much longer. She was numb, the past hour had seemed like a dream to her, but now that she was alone, reality was allowed to terrorise her mind.  
  
Minutes passed before Flynn came out of the emergency room. Kit jumped up immediately and looked at Flynn, for any sign of hope on his face, or of despair…  
  
She needed to ask what was happening but was too scared of the answer to form the words in her mouth. Flynn did it for her.  
  
"He's in a bad way Kit. He's got severe smoke inhalation, which is the main concern at the moment. We've sent him for a chest x-ray and a scan, that should tell us how bad the damage is."  
  
"But, he's gunna be ok… right." Kit tried to convince the doctor.  
  
Flynn sighed, looking tired and older. "I'm not in a position to say at the moment Kit, its too early. I'm sorry if that sounds like a cop out, but right now you know as much as we do." He looked at Kit and continued "when we get his test results back I'll probably be able to tell you more."  
  
Kit nodded. "Can I see him?" she asked, hopeful.  
  
"Not yet I'm afraid."  
  
Kit sank back down into her seat. She placed her head in her hands and cried softly, aware of nothing but her own grief.  
  
"Next of kin?" a nurse asked Flynn "is there anyone we can call for him?"  
  
"Only his brother," Flynn told her, "I'll call him now, he'll want to be here." He frowned as he walked towards the phone box, telling Jude wasn't going to be easy.

* * *

"You can see him now, if you want" Flynn said to the back of Kit's head, which she was cradling in her hands. She slowly raised herself to look at him, nodded, and stood up.  
  
"Just one at a time though, yeah" he told an anxious looking Irene, who had stood up next to Kit and was about to move forward. Irene had arrived a short while after Kit, and had been with her the whole time, though they had hardly spoken. Kit was too consumed in her own grief and Irene was sick with worry, she had come to think of Noah as a son to her. His own mother had been little or no use, so Irene had kind of taken up the role when he moved to the bay, believing that every kid needs a mum, however old they thought they were.  
  
Kit sat staring at Noah, lay on the hospital bed, motionless. He had tubes sticking out all over him, like he was tangled in some huge spiders web, with fluids being pumped into him through a drip in his arm. He also had a thick tube leading from his mouth to a machine – which Flynn had said was a ventilator. It rose and fell in a steady rhythm, making his chest move oppositely to it, breathing for him, as his body was no longer strong enough to do it on its own. Another machine was measuring his heart rate and Kit found the strong bleeping noise reassuring.  
  
She stroked his shoulder softly, his smooth but clammy skin caressing her fingertips.  
  
"Hey" she started, hoping that talking to him would help "…its me. Y'know, the sarcastic red-head who always gets on your nerves. Well, I cant help that can I, you're just too easy to wind up Mr Lawson." She paused, she was used to seeing Noah smirk or glare at her when she said something like that, but now he was just still.  
  
Kit took a deep breath, unsure if this was the right thing to do, but decided that now would be the easiest time for her to do it. "I'm also the sarcastic red-head who… who… who loves you. So, you gotta wake up see, you have to, cause if you… please wake up… please," she cut off, gasping and trying to stop the tears from welling up again.  
  
She leant forward and hesitantly planted a kiss on the top of his head. She pulled back, she had no right to do that, she felt like she had violated him in some way; he thought she was just a friend, it was only her that wanted more.  
  
She sat back into her chair and contented herself with placing her hand on his shoulder. Only moving slightly to rub her lips, which were still tingling from the taste of his skin on them.  
  
Watching as the clock ticked round, hour after hour, she felt her eyelids becoming heavy and found herself drifting off to sleep, the gentle bleeping noises and hush of the ventilator helping her along the way.

* * *

Jude arrived at the hospital to find a strange red haired, pale skinned girl sleeping next to his brother. He found his eyes lingering on her, the image of his little brother in so much pain too much.  
  
He pulled up a chair on the opposite side of the bed and grabbed Noah's hand tightly. Flynn had warned him about all the equipment Noah was hooked up to, keeping him alive, but it was still a shock to see it with his own eyes. Noah was usually so full of life, even through all that had happened with Jill, he was happy again. The motionless figure on the bed simply did not do this justice.  
  
"Come on bro… wake up, yeah… jokes over, its not funny anymore…" he said quietly but firmly.  
  
"Wake up."_

* * *

Noah opened his eyes again, this time to be greeted by Jude and Kit talking quietly. Jude looked at his bro and let out a relieved sigh, even though Kit had told him Noah'd woken up, it still felt good to see for himself.  
  
"I'll leave you guys to it" said Kit, leaving the room and closing the door behind her, she felt that she was interrupting a brotherly moment.  
  
Jude held onto his brothers hand tightly again, feeling the stitches covering it. Noah curved his fingers around Jude's using all the effort he could manage at the moment. He wouldn't have moved his hand away even if he had the strength to though, he was glad, he felt safe with his brother, always had done – Jude made him feel safe.  
  
"Hey little brother" soothed Jude, seeing Noah's laboured breathing and drowsy expression. "So, you finally decided to join us huh, I mean I know I always used to say you were too lazy for your own good, but this is taking it a bit far surely." He half joked.  
  
"I gotta live… up to my name then hey" murmured Noah, grinning slightly and sleepily.  
  
"Yeah" chuckled Jude. His face turning serious "You gave me a bit of a scare there bro… I didn't think you were gunna pull through"  
  
"Well, I'm ok now" stated his brother "…kinda ok anyway" he added, remembering the dull throbbing pain in his chest and finding breathing difficult.  
  
Jude smiled, it was good to see his brother back to a bit of his old self. Even if that _was_ partly due to the morphine blocking out the pain. He watched as his brothers eyes started to close, then be forced open again. Jude grinned, when they were kids Noah would never admit he was tired, he'd just sit on the couch, rubbing his eyes and yawning continuously, until he finally fell asleep and Jude had to carry him to his bed.  
  
They sat there for a while, just glad to be with each other, and both alive. Noah started to feel his eyes closing again as his mind wandered back to the fire. The last thing he remembered was going back into the Drop in Centre and pulling Kane into the office…  
  
"How's Kane?" Noah breathed, breaking the comfortable silence and making Jude sigh inwardly.  
  
"Kane… Kane he's…" started Jude, unsure how much to tell his younger brother who had already been through so much.  
  
"Kane's…  
  
**Agh. Sorry to leave you on yet another Kane cliffhanger, but this chapter was long enough already. Any constructive criticism would be very much appreciated, ie. do you think this chappy was too slow/long/bitty? And thanks for the review iluvtheo.c :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry in advance, but this chapter is totally KK, it needed to be. I'm unsure of it though, as I've never written KK before, and I've never read any KK before (except in Jess's fics). Hope it's ok...**

**

* * *

**

Kirsty reeled in horror. She stood still. The whole of her insides dropped to the pit of her stomach, leaving an empty cavern of disbelief behind. She shook slightly, her hand going to her mouth, trembling against her lips. Her eyes were fixed on the figure being carried to the ambulance.

"KANE!"

She ran to her boyfriend's side. Pausing slightly at the sight before making a grab for him frantically, any part of him, something to hold onto.

"Kirsty, Kirsty…" Flynn grabbed her from behind. "Kirsty you need to give us some space to do our job."

"But wh… what happened… how…"

Flynn cut short Kirsty's hysterical mumblings, "Kane went in after Noah and Max."

"So wh… what… he's gunna be okay right!"

"He's got very severe 3rd and 2nd degree burns on his back and some carbon monoxide poisoning, we need to get him to hospital as soon as possible."

She watched Kane being loaded into the ambulance and followed behind him, noticing the moist white gauze type material lay over his back. Controlling her sobs for a moment, she turned and looked straight into the doctor's eyes, "You didn't answer my question."

Flynn just looked back sympathetically for a second and turned to one of the machines that Kane was being connected to.

"Kirst…"

She turned round to look at her boyfriend. His eyes were barely open, and creased with pain. She pulled herself as close to his head as Flynn would allow, and stroked down the side of his face with her palm. "Cant you give him anything?!" she begged Flynn.

"We've already given him some morphine, it should kick in soon."

"I…" Kane tried to speak, but only a weak whisper came out.

"Shhhhhh," Kirsty soothed, stroking his face, making small circles on his cheek with her thumb, careful to avoid touching his back with her arm.

"I love you babe," Kane finally managed.

Hisgirlfriend shook with suppressed sobs, not wanting him to see her cry. She had to be strong for him. He needed her, now more than ever.

"You too," she replied, with more sincerity than her voice had ever contained before. The edges of Kane's mouth smiled, but made his eyes close slightly with the effort.

Flynn adjusted more dials on machines and checked his patient out all over thoroughly, making sure there was no further damage. He lifted the sterile gauze from Kane's back as gently and as smoothly as possible, biting his bottom lip as he heard Kane groan in agony and Kirsty try to keep herself calm and comfort her boyfriend simultaneously.

Kirsty made the mistake of looking over at what Flynn was doing. As the white gauze pulled up, bits of discoloured skin clung to it and made the underside stained yellow. She put her hand to her mouth again. On his lower back sections of his skin had risen in moist white lumps in irregular patterns, reflecting the artificial shine of the strip lights in the ambulance, and in between these, angry red blisters had formed, his skin almost bubbling. Her hand clung to his face, stroking harder. Near his left shoulder, the material from his t-shirt had become welded to his skin. Flynn was cutting around the edges of the material, removing all that he could.

The charred leathery patch on Kane's left shoulder when Flynn had finished wasn't all material. His skin felt waxy under the doctors's brief and unintentional touch, Flynn knew these burns would not heal on their own. Kirsty couldn't help her eyes lingering on this, for once in her life she couldn't see the scars emblazoned on her boyfriends back, somehow it seemed almost soothing, as if this new pain erased the old emotional one.

She was soon brought back to reality by Kane's murmuring. "I know your shoulder hurts babe, but you're gunna be okay, I promise," she assured him.

"Its no… not my shoulder… m… my ba… back." Kirsty frowned, didn't he know?

Flynn noticed her confusion. "The nerve ending around his shoulder've been destroyed, he wont feel it." His voice was low, so as to stop Kane hearing.

"Why…" Kane's voice sounded uncharacteristically scared, "what else? …Kirst?"

"Nothing babe… nothing." Her voice was shakily steady, "You're gunna be fine."

* * *

Kane's eyes were closed. Having had his burns cleaned and debrided, undergone eight hours of surgery, had skin grafted from his thigh to his back, an IV drip put in his arm, and antibiotics pumped through him, he was now settled uncomfortably into an anaesthetic induced sleep. It would be a while before he woke up.

Kirsty stared numbly at her boyfriend lying on the hospital bed. She didn't know what to do; she needed him to be better. "Please wake up baby, I need you… I… I love you… you're… you're… please wake up."

Her words fell on deaf ears, on an unconscious body, completely unaware of the pain it was causing.

A tear lipped over her eyelid but was quickly brushed away. When she'd returned from the caravan park to the DIC after getting Beth, Kirsty could never have possibly imagined what she discovered when she got there. The images and sounds from the site outside the DIC and from the ambulance journey played over and over in her head, like scenes from a film of her broken life, as she absentmindedly traced her fingertips over her boyfriend's forehead – lay on his front with his head tilted to the side. Looking at him like that hurt. It really hurt.

Feeling the tears threatening to come she breathed in sharply, kissed his head and walked out of the room, pausing only to look at him once more and gather herself.

She made her way wearily to the coffee machine, waiting for someone to come out of surgery for eight hours can take it out of you. She grabbed a brown plastic cup from the side and pressed the 'espresso' button, feeling entranced by the flow of the liquid into the cup and the splashes hitting the sides – courtesy of the chipped nozzle. Turning around she leant against the machine and took a sip of the coffee. The label on her cup lied. It wasn't refreshing. It didn't make her feel better.

Her eyes skipped from person to person; the people grouped together waiting for news of loved ones, the doctors busily working from room to room, the receptionist flicking through papers and turning round to squeak another name on the board with her blue pen…

'Phillips, Kane'

Kirsty dropped her cup, the liquid splashing to the floor and the plastic making a shrill tapping sound as it struck the floor, a puddle of watery brown liquid forming at her feet. She let out a strangled cry and threw her hand over her face, her other going to her stomach as she helplessly slid down the side of the coffee machine to a crouched position. Tears burst from her eyes as she cried hysterically, clutching handfuls of her hair.

No one stopped to help her, the doctors too busy, and the visitors not wanting to interrupt the most private of situations, or too scared to pick her up off the floor. Instead they averted their eyes and tried to ignore the broken young girl that was shaking on the cold hospital tiles.

After a few minutes of trying to control her grief, Kirsty finally stood up. Wiping her eyes and face furiously, and smoothing down her clothes, she walked back into her boyfriend's room, not making eye contact with anyone, embarrassed by her show of emotions.

Kane was still unconscious. Kirsty sat with him silently for another two hours, until Flynn came in and told her that they would be moving him to a burns unit in the city, now was a good time to travel – he was stable. They were better equipped to deal with his injuries apparently, and he would need more surgery. Kirsty was allowed to go with him in the ambulance; Flynn told her that if she needed anything, perhaps she could get her dad or Beth to bring it up.

Kirsty looked on as hospital staff danced around Kane, preparing him form the journey. She knew it would be tough. Kane was going to need a lot of support to get through this, and right now, Kirsty doubted whether she alone had that much strength left in her.

**

* * *

Sorry it had to be all KK. There'll be more NK next time I promise, which shouldn't take quite as long as this chapter did (writers block etc...) . Also, thanks for all you very encouraging reviews - glad I made you smile iluvtheo.c, and Jess c'mon we both know you are the naturally gifted one :)**


	7. Chapter 7

_Noah held on tightly to Kane's motionless body, desperately gasping for air and trying to keep his stinging eyes in something resembling open. He lifted his head slightly, even that too much of an effort. He groaned in pain and tried to instead concentrate on breathing. _

The more he thought about it though, the more he realised he was in trouble, the tighter his chest got, and the stronger the gagging, searing pain in his throat was. He tried to shout for help – surely someone was inside looking for them – but the only sound forced through his lips was a pitiful rasping silence. He raised a hand to his throat and sunk to the side, onto the floor. He closed his eyes. 

He regained consciousness a few seconds later to find something stroking the side of his head. His eyes would not open, too creased with agony to be forced. The pain in his throat was now unbearable, like someone had actually grated the skin from inside it. He could taste something in his mouth. Not quite blood, but it had a sort of metallic flavour, and left the skin in his mouth rough and slightly, strangely, crumbly. Whatever it was it hurt like nothing he'd ever felt before, it was unbearable. He would've been happy to die. 

He heard, deep inside his head, an erratic chanting, like a prayer. It was a prayer… it was her. 

She stroked his face gently all the while, praying constantly, shrieking loudly at times, occasionally adlibbing her own bits… 

"Oh Lord free him from all evils, vanquish the Devils hold." 

"Oh Lord I beg you to purge his soul, make him pure." 

"Lord, through his suffering, make him worthy of you." 

She spoke with desperation, her hands trembling. God would exempt her from the sin she had just committed, it was for the greater good of her son… or so she had managed to convince herself. 

Noah opened his eyes slowly, painfully. It was real. He shut them tightly again and tried to imagine himself in some far off place – as he always did when she was having one of her turns – a beach maybe, with his dad. 

"Oh sweetheart," his mother soothed, her voice piercing through his whole body, "its okay, mummy's here." 

She saw the small pool of blood leading from his forehead, where he'd hit the ground as he collapsed. She watched with the tiniest hint of a smile as her seven-year-old son choked and coughed up blood pathetically on the floor. 

Her hand felt like needles to his skin, boring into him. He tried to pull himself from her grasp but was paralysed by pain. He choked on the blood that he half coughed half vomited up, his body desperately trying to get rid of something. 

She felt him begin to shake and wrapped her arms around his small body tightly. She leant her head onto his and whispered into his ear. "Shhhhhh baby, everything's going to be just fine. A little bleach never did anybody any harm." 

Noah's whole body trembled with suppressed sobs, desperately trying to control the tears that were threatening. She wouldn't win, not this time. He wouldn't let her. 

She continued. "Listen to me… listen. Everything's going to get better now, I promise. You'll be a good boy now. The Lord will reward you in heaven for your suffering." She paused. "Your dad would be proud." 

A single tear squeezed through the creases of Noah's eyes, soon followed by many more. He couldn't control it, it hurt too much. He let out a strangled cry as the tears began to flush down his cheeks, colouring his face pink slightly. He leant his head into his mothers arms and cried against her. She had won. 

"I hate you," he gasped, hardly audible. His devastated voice mingled with coughs and sobs. 

"I hate you." 

"I hate you." 

"I hate you." 

"I hate you." 

"Noah… Noah, it's me… Noah can you hear me… Noah it's Kit." Her voice dripped with sincere concern. He'd been asleep for a good few hours, he'd been pretty restless the whole time and she'd just put it down to the pain, but over the last few minutes he'd started to mumble and groan and shout indistinguishable things out, then his breathing became faster and faster, his head turning from side to side frantically. 

Kit grabbed his shoulders and shook him firmly, "Noah… Noah wake up… Noah." 

Suddenly Noah found his eyes thrown open and his upper body thrust forwards, he had to get away. "Kit… I…" he breathed, panicky and trembling still, and his chest hurting from sitting up. 

She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and tried to calm him down, "Shhhhhh… shhhhhh, it's okay now… I'm here… it was just a dream… just a nightmare… shhhhhh." 

"I just… she…" Noah stuttered, "Kit…" He brought his hands up to his head and tried to control his tears. 

Kit wrapped both her arms tightly around him, promising that she'd stay and wouldn't leave him. She found it strange though, she'd never seen him cry before. 

Overwhelmed by everything, Noah broke down completely, letting go of all the pent up emotions locked inside for so many years. He leaned his body into Kit's and wept uncontrollably into her arms, unable to do anything else. 

Eventually his tears and sobs subsided, and kit felt him drift off to sleep in her arms, completely exhausted. Slowly and carefully she moved his upper body back down to the bed, wiped away her own tears, and placed a lingering kiss on the top of his head. "I love you" she whispered. 

A few minutes later when Flynn came to check on his patient, he found Noah and Kit both peacefully asleep, her head on his shoulder and her arm across his chest. He smiled to himself and left the room, wondering just how long it would take them to realise that they were meant to be together.

* * *

Kirsty lay with her head rested next to her boyfriend's and her fingers intertwined with his. They had been at Sydney General Hospital for a few days now, and Kirsty was waiting for Kane to come round from the anaesthetic from his third operation. This was hopefully the final one. He'd needed extensive skin grafts when he'd arrived, the doctors had taken the skin from his thigh and grafted it onto his back. It needed to be covered with a moist gauze like material which needed to be changed regularly, to allow the skin to attach itself properly to his back. Despite a few minor problems, the doctors seemed confident that he would recover from this, and that most of the feeling in his back should return, though he would need some physiotherapy. He was on a high amount of very strong painkillers, so couldn't really talk to his girlfriend between operations, only mumble sounds. 

Kirsty had hardly left his bedside, only once when her Dad and Beth had come down to sort out where she was staying. They had decided that a hotel near the hospital would be the best option, even though her dad wasn't too happy for her to stay on her own. But Beth had convinced him that his daughter needed some time to be alone, and Kirsty had promised to call home everyday. She was planning on going to sort out her bag and some other things at the hotel that afternoon, the doctors had told her that Kane probably wouldn't wake up before then, and she knew she would never do it if she waited until he actually _did_ wake up – he'd need her there for him. 

"Babe" she said to him, speaking as naturally as possible, the way she'd been every time he was unconscious, "I'm just gonna nip back to the hotel for a few hours yeah," she brushed a few hairs off his forehead, "but I promise I'll be back soon, I'll be there when you wake up. See ya soon yeah." 

She got up from her chair (that she had gotten to know oh so well over the last few days) and walked towards the door, blowing Kane an invisible kiss before leaving for the hotel, and trying desperately to ignore the thoughts that had plagued her mind ever since they'd arrived, of something going wrong.

* * *

Noah awoke to find half of Kit across him, he fidgeted slightly, embarrassed, and caused Kit to stir. Realising where she was she immediately sat back into her seat and pulled her arms off Noah, shocked at the position she had fallen asleep in. 

The two of them sat in silence for a while, avoiding each others eye line, and both steadily turning red, Noah redder as he remembered what a fool of himself he'd made just a few hours ago. He still couldn't believe that he'd let himself go totally. He cursed himself inwardly, Kit must think he was so pathetic. 

Finally he broke the silence. "I'm sorry about last night." He sounded hopeful, as if maybe she wouldn't remember, but also unusually quiet and slightly cautious. 

"Don't apologise… it's ok" The last thing Kit wanted was for him to feel ashamed of it. Even though she'd realised just how messed up Noah was right now, and was worried about him, she was glad too, that he'd finally opened up to her a bit. 

Noah nodded and looked down, biting his lip nervously. 

"I'm…" Kit spoke, making him look up at her, "I'm here, y'know… if you wanna talk or anything." She tilted her head to the side, trying to work out what he was thinking. 

"Yeah…" he looked at her, surprised at how nice she was being about it all (Kit not making some sort of sarcastic comment seemed very unlike her), but glad too, "thanks… I know." 

He half smiled at her as their eyes lingered together for an increasingly long time, enchanted by each other, she returned his goofy grin and leaned in ever so slightly… 

"Hey bro" 

Kit and Noah immediately snapped back to reality as Jude walked into the room. Kit grabbed clumsily for her bag off the floor and on the third flustered attempt actually managed to pick it up. She made for the door, feeling her cheeks burning. "I've got… something to do," she excused herself, looking at Noah for one last time "I'd better go, see you later yeah" before rushing out of the room. She popped her head round the door a few seconds later, gave a "Hi Jude, sorry" and left again. 

Outside Kit leant back against the wall of the corridor, biting her bottom lip. She couldn't stop the wide grin spreading across her face, she looked up, muttered 'thank you' and walked out of the hospital, to find something to do. 

Noah stared at the door long after Kit had gone, equally unable to keep the smile off his face, though he had no idea why. After a few moments he noticed his brother giving him a funny look. 

"What?" he asked, confused. 

Jude laughed and gave a knowing smile, "Nothing" he chuckled. His brother always _had_ been a bit clueless when it came to matters of the heart.

* * *

"Thanks mum." Kit took the cup of tea that her mum had made and placed it down on the table, Beth following suit and sitting down. 

"So…" Beth started, "…how is Noah? It cant be easy, I'd imagine." 

Kit shrugged, "He's just a bit messed up about it y'know… it's brought up some stuff." 

From her daughters tone, Beth knew not to press the subject. After thinking for a moment, she diverted to something she needed to know. "Well, what about Uni love? Are you thinking of staying here a bit longer, it might not be too late to transfer to Northern Districts Uni, and we'd love to have you." Beth smiled at her daughter, willing her to stay, not ready to cut the apron strings quite yet. 

"I know, I just… I can't leave Noah, not now." Beth gave her a knowing smile, she knew Kit better than Kit knew herself. "He was there for me when I needed him, and I'm gonna make damn sure I return the favour." Kit stated, determination in her voice. 

"That's all it is, is it? A favour?" 

Kit looked at her hands, suddenly very interested in her tea. "I… I still care mum," she replied, a little defensively. 

Beth raised her eyebrows, her eyes sparkling. 

"What?!" asked Kit innocently. 

"Nothing." Beth took a sip of her tea, trying to suppress a chuckle. Kit fidgeted slightly, much to her mothers further amusement. 

"Ok, ok" Kit gushed, "I'm still in love with him, I never stopped." The words rolled off her tongue as if they were the only words she could ever say again. It felt strange to finally admit it, to herself as much as to her mum. 

Beth raised her eyebrows again, mirroring her daughter. 

"Oh c'mon, we both know that's what you were thinking mum." Kit stated. 

"Katherine," Beth retorted incredulously, "I'd never _dream_ of insinuating such a thing!" 

Kit laughed, she really did love being able to talk to her mum like this again, there was a time she had thought it impossible. She took a gulp of her tea. 

"So…" Beth started again, thoroughly enjoying this chat, "How do you think he feels about you?" 

Kit pulled a face and sighed, this was the million dollar question, and one that she didn't really have an answer to. She took a moment to think. 

"I… I don't think he's too sure of anything right now… but today, at the hospital, we…" she trailed off and shook her head, she was being stupid, it would have been a pathetic thing to say. 

"Go on…" Beth encouraged her daughter. Kit laughed at her mother and shook her head in bewilderment, Beth was like a giggly little school girl, excited by the latest playground gossip. Kit had never really experienced her like this before. But it was good. 

"We…" she hesitated again, but seeing her mums expectant face she took control of herself, and forced her mouth to blurt the words out. 

"We had a moment." She laughed to herself, "God, that sounds so stupid." 

"No it doesn't," Beth gushed. 

Kit chuckled again, wishing she shared her mums optimism, "Why are you so excited about this anyway?" 

"My little girls in love, surely I'm allowed to be a _bit_ excited," replied Beth, eyes sparkling more than ever. "So, go on, I want to know everything…"

* * *

Kirsty took a deep breath, and wrapped her fingers around her very heavy holdall for the sixth time, determined not to be beaten by a piece of material, and sure that kicking it and calling it names had worked (and hurt her foot). She breathed in and started to lift, making it over the rim of the bed, dropping it onto the covers, and crashing down beside it, red faced and breathless. 

She turned her head to look at the bag again. She really didn't want to unpack; aside from the fact that she'd hardly had any sleep over the past few days, it would be like admitting that Kane's condition was serious. Keeping it on the floor, packed away, she could convince herself that she was only staying one more night, that it was just a holiday, that she would be going back to Summer Bay the next day, back to Irene's and whispering and giggling quietly in bed with Kane at night. But now in reality she knew she was going to be staying for a while, alone. 

Slowly and reluctantly, she leaned over the holdall and unzipped it, the clothes that she had chucked in carelessly over the past few days lying creased on top, like icons of her current life, crumpled. 

She started to unpack the various items of clothing, toiletries and other things she would need. Reaching down slightly, she saw a few of Kane's clothes and other bits and bobs, she smiled to herself, taking his green tank top out and holding the material between her fingertips. Really, it was amazing for her dad to offer to do this, maybe he _had_ finally managed to get over the past. No. Kirsty corrected herself, it was no good having false hope, and it was Kane that mattered most now anyway. 

She took the rest of the clothes out of the bag, his t-shirt still wrapped around the fingers of her right hand, it felt comforting to touch a bit of old Kane, allowed her to forget again. Her eyes scanned for anything she'd missed, and caught onto the corner of what looked like a beige envelope, tucked away in one of the side pockets. She pulled it out and read her name on the front, Beth's handwriting. 

Slightly confused, she opened it up and pulled out it's contents. A lump rose in her throat as her eyes fixed on the two photographs in front of her. One of her and her family with a note written in black marker pen at the corner, her dad's writing. 

_Stay strong sweetheart. We love you._

The other photo was of her and Kane. Stood outside Irene's house, him behind her, his arms around her waist, smiles on both their faces. She wondered if she would ever be this happy again. A single tear traced its way down her face, running over her fragile cheekbone, finally stopping at her chin, clinging defiantly. She made no attempt to brush it away. 

She held onto the two photos tightly and brought Kane's shirt up to her mouth, pressing her lips against it. Thinking of how happy they were hurt. When she knew that heir future together was now shrouded in uncertainty. What if he didn't make it? 

Another tear fell, landing on the creased photograph. She wiped it away, leaving streaks of salty despair across her own smiling face. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. 

What if he didn't make it? 

**Thanks to Star for your review :) Hope that was NK enough for you :) I've figured out that this fics going to be pretty much half KK half NK from now on. And I've also planned the whole fic out, so I know where I'm going - it's gunna be about 19/20 chapters long hears groans sorry..**


	8. Chapter 8

Kit snuggled down into her chair and pulled her tartan blanket tighter around herself. After last night, she'd decided to stay at the hospital again, in case the same thing happened, in case he needed her.

She looked over to her friend, his eyes were closed and he looked peaceful enough, so, with the sigh of a very tired person, and a little more snuggling, Kit allowed herself to drift off to sleep.

A few minutes later, Noah opened one eye and looked at Kit, curled up on her chair, deeply asleep. The light from around the edges of the closed door casting tints of light across her tired face. She looked beautiful, like a sleeping angel.

He resisted the strange urge he felt to reach out and touch her, he felt cold without the contact, with the lights off, with the shadows around the hospital room taunting him. He'd never admit it to anyone – let alone himself – but he was scared. Scared of having more nightmares, more memories of a past he thought he'd dealt with, scared of making a prat of himself in front of Kit again, scared of being alone.

Looking at his friend though, he realised he wasn't alone; Kit wasn't going anywhere. Feeling comforted by her presence, and strangely the sound of her feint snoring, he too closed both of his eyes (for real this time) and allowed himself to fall asleep.

* * *

_Noah woke up suddenly, gasping for breath in a gulp and inhaling something which made him choke and made his eyes water. He coughed furiously, feeling both the heat and the realisation creeping up his skin._

He opened his eyes to be greeted with a nightmarish scene. His room was on fire. His bed was on fire. His sheets were on fire.

He pulled his legs tightly up to his chest, away from the burning flames, and began to shake and gasp for air as the panic set in. He tried to shout out to Kit, but got no reply.

The room looked different. He couldn't see the white walls anymore, he couldn't see the medical equipment at his side, he couldn't see Kit. He was alone.

Then he realised, it wasn't the hospital room, he was at home, no, at her house, it wasn't his home, it never had been.

He glanced at the hundreds of candles around him, some still burning their own flames, others tipped over onto his bed or the carpet and mingled with the fire.

It took a few more seconds for his brain to overcome the fear and take action. The flames were getting closer and closer to his body, but he couldn't see a clear pathway to get to his door, the whole room was alight. He didn't care about the material things he had, he didn't really have anything worth wanting to save.

He cautiously stepped onto the floor, barefoot, the flames almost taking hold. He drew back to his bed, terrified again. Remembering something, he reached into the draw beside him and pulled out an old tin, Cornish Biscuit Selection, a present from Jude, now a container for everything he held dear. Checking that the photos and treasures were still inside it, he quickly slammed it shut, and as a adrenaline took over and the prospect of his own death momentarily left his mind, he dived off his bed and took three huge leaps to the door, not giving time for the flames to burn his feet or latch onto his boxers. And out, slamming the door behind him.

As the harsh reality of what could have just happened hit, he had to try to hold back tears, and resisted slumping to his knees and crying. Instead he comforted himself by wrapping his arms around himself and shaking.

He walked down the stairs slowly, the fire was still a danger, and of course there was no fire alarm, that would interfere with God's plan for her, the whole house could burn to the ground yet. He knew all of this, but his fear wouldn't let him move any faster.

His breathing becoming more and more erratic by the minute, and the shock keeping him barely standing wearing off, he stumbled into the living room and dropped to his knees on the carpet, coughing and retching. His mum turned her eyes from the TV to her son. She got up from her seat and made her way over to him, concern mixed in with frustration at having to miss her favourite late night show.

"What's the matter?" she asked, in a voice not as dripping with motherly love as he'd hoped for.

"My room…" he managed to splutter, "It's on fire."

"How?" she asked, emotionless.

Tears came to his eyes with the effort of trying to breath and speak at the same time. "Candles," was all he could manage.

"This must be the work of The Devil," she announced, "I put the candles there to keep him away from you, to protect you."

"Aren't you gonna call the fire…" he couldn't finish.

His mum bent down next to him and placed her hand on his back, noticing him flinch slightly at the contact. "No." She closed the door firmly, with the air of a woman in complete control of a situation, "We mustn't interfere, God will do what is best for us." It was a statement. That was what they were going to do. Wait for the fire to reach them. Wait to die, and do nothing to stop it.

Noah waited for a while before looking him mum straight in the eye, "I don't want to die" he whispered, tears tracing down his face and his voice cracking.

Him mum moved her hand over his back, "It's okay," she told him, "It doesn't matter, if you die. Because of all my prayers for you, you'll go to heaven."

There it was. The final proof (if he needed any more) that his mother didn't love him. And he was going to die, with only her for comfort.

They sat back against the wall of the living room, her giving herself up to God with a smile on her face, and him too paralysed by fear to move.

The smoke crawled under the door, he felt himself become sleepy, drowsy. The choking started again.

The heat from the flames pricked his skin. He closed his eyes, sensing the flames take hold of the room. "No" he whimpered. "No."

"NOOOOOOO!"

Noah threw his sheets off himself and leapt out of bed. Wincing with the pain in his chest and his head swimming with memories, he wrapped his arms around himself and curled into a tight ball in the corner of the room.

Kit quickly rushed over to him and did the only thing her instincts told her to and held him in her arms, whispering to him and trying to soothe his distress as he cried helplessly into her shoulder once more.

Seeing her best friend so distraught, Kit creased her eyes together and gripped him tighter, feeling her own tears slide down her cheeks.

* * *

Kirsty glanced over the top of her magazine at her boyfriend. He was still there. He was still unconscious. She was getting impatient, which for Kirsty, actually meant scared. Kane was supposed to be awake by now.

She sighed and turned back to her magazine, scanning through the same article that she'd read about a hundred times now, and she still had no idea what the subject was. She lifted her eyes once more as she heard material move, ever so slightly, only the tiniest bit, but she'd heard it, she was sure of that.

After scanning her boyfriend for any sign of consciousness or further movement, Kirsty resigned herself to that sinking feeling; maybe she _had_ imagined it.

She placed her hand over the top of her boyfriend's and stroked down the lines of his fingers gently, jumping as she felt a twitch beneath her thumb. She looked at his face and broke into a smile, one that actually reached her eyes, not like the one's she'd put on for the nurses when they'd tried to sound encouraging. Kane was awake. Groggy, but awake nonetheless.

He opened his eyes drowsily; bright white hospital light flooding in and making him frown. Kirsty stroked his forehead with the palm of her hand. "Hey sleepy head," she soothed, "How're you feeling?"

She got a muffed mumble in reply and after taking a few seconds to decode 'Groggy Kane Speak' worked out that he'd said 'great', probably sarcastically. She chuckled, it felt good to finally be able to talk to him, and to realise that he was still the Kane he always used to be.

"I love you, you know that?!" Kirsty told him as she brushed a few hairs away from his face gently, another mumble was heard. She creased her forehead in confusion, then beamed a smile which lit up her eyes once more…

'you too'

* * *

Kit took up her usual position on her chair for the night, the day had passed quickly, and pretty much all of it had been spent talking to Noah – about everything except the thing they really needed to talk about. But all in all, it had been a good day. Though she predicted the night would have a different fate, and had decided not to go to sleep at all, she didn't know why, maybe it was instinct, but she knew it would make a difference.

She waited until she was sure Noah was definitely asleep before even taking her eyes off him, after about two hours of this, she caught him open an eye to see if she was asleep yet… sprung. It took another two hours before she knew for sure that he wasn't pretending anymore, she sat back into her chair and pulled her knees up close to her chest, it was going to be a long night.

* * *

Kit looked up from the piece of floor tile that she had busied herself with studying, when she heard her friends breathing increase, and become slightly panicked. His head turned from side to side a little and he began to mumble and make some sort of noise that Kit would call a whimper, if she didn't think it so un-Noah like.

She knew what was happening, and felt an overwhelming urge to make it go away, to stop his pain, to stop whatever was screwing up his head. Acting only on instinct again and not even stopping to think twice about it, Kit got up out of her chair and carefully lay on the bed next to Noah. She wrapped her arms around him and let her heart beat next to his, mumbling soft words and trying to keep him still.

After a while, she noticed that his breathing had started to slow, his body unconsciously inhaling and exhaling as his friend did. The mumblings and shaking stopped, the screams never came, he drifted back off to sleep.

Kit held onto him as tight as she could, a single tear falling onto the cushion as she realised that she had managed to stop his nightmare. She felt proud of herself, and so, so happy. A smile tainted her cheeks as she closed her eyes next to Noah.

That smile grew wider, as he unconsciously wrapped his arms around her too. Kit felt like she would be truly happy to stay there, in his arms, forever.

* * *

The nurse was busy bringing in all the equipment the doctor would need, Kane lay on his front ready to have his dressings changed. Kirsty smiled encouragingly at him, she couldn't bare to see him look frightened for even a second, 'frightened' wasn't a word usually associated with Kane.

She couldn't imagine what he was thinking right now, she knew how he'd reacted when people found out about his scars, he wouldn't even take his shirt off in public. As the doctor announced that he was about to start, Kirsty shuffled forward and held tightly onto her boyfriend's hand, chasing away the memories of when they had been in a similar position a few days ago, in an ambulance. But things were going to be better now, Kane was getting better.

The doctor took hold of the yellowed gauze on Kane's back and pulled up slowly, not stopping at Kane's winces and held-back cries of pain. The doctor told them that the fact Kane was _feeling_ pain was a good sign, Kane however, disagreed.

Tears formed in Kirsty's eyes, she just couldn't handle seeing him in pain, but she held them there and refused to let them fall, the last thing she wanted was Kane worrying about _her_.

As the gauze was pulled completely off and discarded on a tray the nurse held out, Kirsty was able to see the full extent of the damage. Something rose up into her throat and she had to really try not to actually retch, and gripped both of her hands around Kane's to stop one of them going to her mouth. The nurse noticed Kirsty's distress and gave her a it'll-get-better look.

The skin on Kane's lower back was an angry red, still with the small white lumps, and was moist. It looked like someone had torn layers of his skin off. His shoulder was worse, the charred black that she'd seen in the ambulance was replaced by a covering of yellowed bumpy skin, she could see the edges of it.

"Well," started the doctor, Kirsty looked at him, desperate for good news, "the skin seems to be attaching to the graft area well, you'll still need to stay in this place for a while longer yet, but I'm hopeful you should make a near enough full recovery. I'll just change this gauze now and put you some antibiotic ointment on your lower back."

'Near enough', Kirsty thought to herself, 'near enough', what the hell did that mean?! The worry rose in her stomach again and she gripped her boyfriend's hand even more firmly. The look on his face told her all she needed to know. He was scared.

* * *

A few minutes after the doctor had left, Kane broke the silence between him and his girlfriend, finally recovering from the pain of the dressings change. "Is it bad?"

Kirsty raised her eyes to meet his, Kane's answer clearly emblazoned across them. "It's gonna get better," she replied weakly, knowing that she hadn't said what he'd wanted to hear.

"Yeah." His voice didn't carry his sentiment.

There was another long silence, both of them not really knowing what to say for the best, this was a situation neither of them thought they would ever find themselves in.

"When my dad… when he…" Kane began, needed to talk about this, but unable to finish the sentence. he trusted Kirsty more than anyone he had ever known, and loved her more too, there was no doubting that, but maybe telling her some things was impossible, too hard, maybe some things were better left in the back of _his_ mind, not given to her.

Kirsty bit her lip and nodded for him to carry on.

"No, it doesn't matter, I'm just being pathetic." Kane could feel tears building up in his eyes, a feeling he hadn't experienced for a long time, and he didn't like it.

"No you're not," Kirsty replied firmly.

"It's just…" Kane started, "When my dad used to y'know, knock me about a bit and stuff, and when I got my scars…"

Kirsty nodded encouragingly again, she knew how rarely Kane ever talked about his past, and how much it hurt him. Part of her felt privileged that he finally trusted her enough to open up to her, but the other part dreaded what he had to say.

"…I, I dunno, I thought they… I thought I deserved it, he made me think that, I thought it was 'cause I was a bad person…"

"Babe, no. You're not a…"

"I know… I'm trying not to be anyway… that's not what I mean. He made me think that, he always told me that I was a 'pathetic little bastard' and then he'd… y'know… And Scott was the same, really I think it was just 'cause if he looked like he was getting at me too, then dad would just ignore him and go for me, maybe he thought dad'd be proud of him… I dunno. But anyway, my scars, they're like… they were like a reminder of him all the time. It was like no matter how hard I tried to sort my life out, and I really tried Kirst I did, y'know that…"

"I know." Kirsty moved a little closer to him and took hold of his hand.

"And I kinda felt like… I dunno, like I could never escape him, never be free of him. But now…it's different. I know it won't get rid of some of the emotional scars…"

He hesitated on this line, this was hard.

"…but at least every time I look in the mirror, I won't have to be reminded of it. I'd take memories of the fire over him any day Kirst. And I think now... maybe… I can deal with it a bit better. I know I'm not over it yet, maybe I never will be, but now I have a chance Kirst, I have a chance to escape him."

He buried his head into the pillow to get away from his girlfriend's sympathetic gaze and began to cry. Kirsty was shocked as his shoulders began to shake, she'd never seen him cry before, and to be honest with herself, she didn't really know how to handle it.

She placed her hand onto the back of his head and stroked his hair gently, fighting against her own tears.

After a few moments, Kane had managed to compose himself. "I'm sorry," he mumbled into the pillow.

"What for?" Kirsty questioned, confused.

"Crying, being weak, being a 'pathetic little bastard'."

"Kane no," Kirsty said strongly, emotion flowing through her voice, "don't do that, don't ever apologise for how you're feeling."

"It's such a stupid thing though…"

"Babe, nothing that could make you this upset could possibly be…"

"But I shouldn't, I shouldn't let it get to me, I promised myself that I'd never cry for him Kirst, never again, I still remember saying it. I promised I'd never give him the satisfaction again. It was years and years ago Kirst, I promised myself. Now it's like he's won."

* * *

Jude opened his brother's hospital room door slowly, Flynn had told him he could go in, but that Noah might still be asleep, and knowing his brother as well as he did, this was what he fully expected.

What he didn't expect, however, was to find his little bro lay very close to his 'friend' Kit, with their arms around each other and his head leaning against hers. Jude's eyebrows shot up his head, and remained there until Kit sensed his presence and stirred in Noah's arms.

Jude could hardly contain his laughter as he watched Kit's face change from sleepiness, to confusion, to a feint but definitely there smile, to totally embarrassed when she woke his brother up trying to untangle herself from him. Noah moving his arms around her more tightly only added to the extreme amusement.

He watched again, as Noah's face changed between the exact same expressions as Kit had, until they both lay, tangled up in each others arms and legs, looking at each other with a look that Jude guessed was somewhere between total embarrassment and secret joy.

Kit made a final attempt to break free, hearing a mumbled and bewildered 'sorry' from Noah as she fell over the side of the bed and landed in a crumpled heap on the floor, legs still standing up against the bed. Jude could contain his laughter no longer, and on hearing this Kit couldn't take any more embarrassment and made a run for the door. She turned and mouthed 'see you later' to Noah on her way out, before repeating the smiling against the wall movement from a few days ago, and thanking the sky.

When Jude had finally recovered from his laughter, and Noah had finally recovered from the shock of waking up with his best friend in his arms, the siblings looked at each other, both with eyebrows raised.

"Well that was unexpected," stated Jude, studying his brother's face.

Noah nodded, it was. He felt strange. He was… happy about it, really happy, he felt his stomach moving in a funny way, he felt tingling where her skin had been in contact with hers. He was confused, Kit was his friend, just his friend, that was the way they'd agreed. But then… why did he feel like he was in love?

"So…" started Jude, eyebrows raised again, "are you gonna explain, or am I gonna have to prise it out of you."

Noah just frowned at his brother, "There's nothing to explain."

"Oh come on bro, I walk in and find you with your arms wrapped around her, looking veeeery cosy, and there's nothing to explain?!"

Noah pressed his lips together in a maybe-but-I'm-not-gonna-tell-you-about-it-right-now kinda way. He considered telling Jude about some of the things with his mum. Jude knew most things, but there were bits no one knew. He decided against it, any courage he had fleeing his body at the very thought of revealing his secrets.

Jude recognised the look, and resigned himself to getting it out of him later. He chucked his brother a surfing magazine and began tucking into the grapes that someone had brought him.

After a while, and a few more grapes, Jude felt there was something he should tell Noah…

"I'm proud of you y'know."

Noah looked up from his magazine and tried to hide the surge of joy that ran though his body at hearing this. Jude was more than just his brother, he was like a father figure to him too, and he respected and admired him a hell of a lot, thought of course, he'd never admit this to him.

"You saved Kane's life."

"No I didn't, I just put us both in more danger."

Jude shook his head at his brother, he knew Noah'd try to play it down, he always did when he'd done something worth Jude being proud of. "Yes you did. The fire crew said that if you hadn't have gone back in and pulled Kane to that office, he wouldn't have stood a chance. Now, I honestly do think that the decision to go back in was _incredibly_ stupid and I honestly could've killed you for it, but it was damn brave to, 'course, I'd rather you be alive than be a hero."

"I'm not a hero, he was trying to save _my_ life in the first place anyway."

"Okay okay," Jude raised his hands in a mock stopping motion, "You both tried to save each others lives, you both failed miserably, and you both almost got yourselves killed in the process… but I'm still proud of you, okay."

Noah bit his lip, slightly embarrassed and smiled at his big bro.

"So…" Jude started again, a glint in his eyes, "back to Kit."

Noah groaned out loud and tried to shrug off Jude's questions.

"So you love her then?" the older man asked directly, not really expecting an answer but figuring it was worth a try.

"I think so." Noah replied hesitantly, not actually able to believe that he'd just admitted that, but still confused.

Jude just shook his head, for a smart guy, his brother had a habit of being incredibly dense when it came to love.

* * *

**I'm a bit unsure of this chapter, I feel it's a bit... I dunno... bland. Maybe it's 'cause I didn't really have as much time as I usually do. A BIG thanks to Julia for the review (glad you're enjoying it) and and even BIGGER sorry for the long time between updates, but I've not had much free fic-writing time of late. The next update will most probably be after Christmas, maybe even after January (due to exams) :(**


	9. Chapter 9

Two weeks later.

Jude grabbed Noah's bag from the back seat of his car, chuckling as Kit hopped out and immediately made to help his brother out of the front seat. Noah had finally been discharged from hospital, something that they were all glad of. Trying to keep him entertained had not been easy, at all. There's only so many times a person can play every single type of card game that exists without getting bored.

Kit withdrew her outstretched arm and left Noah to struggle to his feet by himself – weeks of lying in a bed taking their toll. As her 'thanks' for trying to help him all she'd received was a scowl – Noah not one who liked to depend on people. Folding her arms and huffing, she walked alongside her grumpy best friend to the front door of The Palace.

Inside, Dani and Scott were in the middle of cooking breakfast – a full fry-up. "Perfect timing" announced Kit, flopping down into a chair beside Noah, and ignoring the guilt pangs of yet another failed diet – something she'd never done before the last few weeks, and which she refused to admit the reason for.

Scott shook his head at his sister, "I take it you'll be wanting some then." Kit and Noah nodded, Jude giving a "if you're sure you don't mind", before also nodding.

"Right then," Scott declared, "prepare to indulge in the most exquisite cuisine your taste buds have ever bore witness to." Kit raised an eyebrow as her brother cleared his throat. "On this wonderful morning, you sir…" he gestured to Noah, who also raised an eyebrow, "…you sir…" to Jude, "…and you fair lady," Kit shook her head as Scott elaborately bowed before her, "shalt be dining on a delicious composition of pan fried pork wafers, accompanied by crisp yet creamy poultry spheres, griddled wholegrain slices, roasted beanus and meat of un piggus en cylindros, all perfectly marinated by a touch of sauce tomate ee brune a la Escotte."

All four other people in the room furrowed their brows in confusion.

"So that's… fried bacon with eggs, toast, baked beans and sausages, and brown and tomato sauce?!" Kit pulled a 'how the hell am I related to you' face at Scott. "And what in hell kind of language was that supposed to _be_ by the way?"

Scott mock-glared at Kit and turned around defensively.

Dani cracked a couple more eggs and poured them into the frying pan, still bemused by her boyfriend, "Should be better than hospital food anyway hey Noah."

Noah nodded. "But seriously Dan, if Escotty can't beat the soggy vegetablus and coldus mashed potatous, then there's no hope." At that, Dani had to turn away from Scott to hide her threatening laughter.

Noticing the grins on his friends' faces, Scott decided to quickly change the subject. "So, you got the all clear then?" he asked Noah, who grinned and nodded.

Noticing this, Kit quickly added, "But Flynn said that he still needs plenty of rest and to avoid any strenuous physical activity for at least two weeks, including surfing, which means we'll probably have to tie him to the couch."

The others laughed, whilst Noah sulked slightly at the prospect.

"So… erm, shouldn't someone be here, y'know, 'cause me and Scott wont be here all the time?" Dani asked, wanting to get the practicalities out of the way quickly.

Her question was met by three simultaneous responses…

"Dan, I don't need any…" – Noah.

"I'm gunna move in for a bit…" – Jude.

And a hesitant, "I could always…" – Kit.

On hearing Kit's idea, Noah felt his stomach flip over with excitement and changed his mind, he did need someone, and that someone was Kit.

"I thought _I _was gunna stay here for a bit, just 'till you're properly back on your feet?" Jude asked, actually looking forward to spending some time with his little brother after being away in Melbourne for so long. He'd already arranged it with Sally and Flynn (whose house he'd been staying in since Flynn phoned to tell him about the fire), and cleared staying in the bay for a good few months with Shauna.

"Yeah, I know bro, but… it might just be… _easier_ if… if…" Noah hesitated, suddenly loosing confidence. Kit had probably only said she'd stay because she felt sorry for him, he shouldn't automatically jump to the ridiculous conclusion that she'd actually _want_ to stay. He was just being selfish. It wouldn't be fair on her, and he didn't want or need a babysitter.

"If what?" Kit encouraged him, barely hiding her hope that he'd suggest her.

Taking confidence from this, Noah finished his sentence, "…if Kit moved in instead." Quickly adding, "I mean, if she wants to, I didn't mean to sound like I expected her to, it wouldn't be fair to expect that, if she doesn't want to then it's perfectly fine, it was a stupid idea, sorry."

Kit really wanted Noah to stop after the first line of his little speech. "'Course I don't mind," she replied, a little too eagerly.

Noah smiled widely, his eyes lighting up.

"I told Sal and Flynn I'd move out though." Jude added, grinning slightly and knowingly at his brother's reaction to the prospect of Kit staying at The Palace, but feeling a little redundant from his big brother role.

"Yeah well… erm…" started Noah, desperately trying to work this out in his favour and inwardly cursing Jude, "you can… er… we have a bedroom free anyway…" Inspired. "…now that Hayles is living at Leah's with Alex, so you can have that one, and then Kit can stay too."

Jude and Scott stared at Noah. The question of 'where the hell are you thinking of Kit sleeping?' running through their heads, and both of them knowing where Noah was probably thinking (after all, he's a twenty one year old guy), but Scott not really wanting to hear him say this (after all, Kit was still his little sister).

Taking note of the look on her brother's face, Kit quickly corrected him. "On the couch… heh, obviously." Though the thought of the other was very enticing indeed.

* * *

Kane looked up from his magazine as he heard a knock on his hospital room door. He furrowed his brow in confusion, the nurses (annoyingly) never knocked, and neither (cutely) did Kirsty.

The door swung open to reveal its subject… Rhys Sutherland. Kirsty's dad. The man who hates Kane the most in the world and has vowed to kill him on more than one occasion. Certainly not the person Kane expected to visit him in hospital – his second visitor, Kirsty the first.

Both men looked away, uncomfortable silence enveloping them. Kane really didn't want to be verbally assaulted, or physically, in his current condition. He wished Kirsty was with him.

Finally the older man broke the silence, delivering a monotone "Hi" to Kane's bedside lamp, still not making eye contact.

"Hi," Kane replied, trying not to let the frustration, confusion and slight intrigue show through in his voice.

Rhys moved closer to Kane and sat in the chair beside him – Kirsty's chair. Kane unconsciously drew himself to the opposite side of his bed, now even more confused.

"How're you feeling?" asked Rhys.

Kane said he was "Fine". He seriously doubted that Rhys cared about his answer anyway; he assumed that the older man had said it purely in a vain attempt to break the ice.

"Well," began Rhys uncomfortably, "I suppose you're wondering why I'm here." His tone gave nothing away.

"Yeah," replied Kane. A bit of an understatement. He noted Rhys' awkward position, Mr Sutherland, just like every single adult Kane had ever encountered, had his flaws.

"Right."

"Okay."

"Right then."

"Yeah."

The conversation was going brilliantly so far.

"The reason I'm here is… Look Kane I… The thing is that…" Rhys wiped his mouth and chin with his hand in frustration, this was hard.

Kane just looked at him, now completely bewildered.

"Kane," Rhys tried again, "I just wanted to thank you for what you did in the fire, for helping to save Max's life."

"I didn't though, Noah already had."

"But…" Rhys was forcing himself to say the words, they caught in his throat and clung to the sides of his mouth, he never would have imagined himself having this conversation with the man that, he thought, had ruined both his daughters' lives. Each sound was stark and left a statement in the air, like words spoken by someone who thought they had authority, teeth clenched and words prised out. "…You didn't know that. You went in anyway. You risked your life. And that's… that's very… commendable. Very brave. So thank you."

"It's… cool." Kane hesitated, uncertainty laced through every inch of his voice, surely this wasn't the only reason for the visit.

Rhys nodded and made a move to get up, then his face creased into what seemed an invisible battle with himself and he sat back down. "Look. Kane. I know you love Kirsty. And I accept that."

Kane was unable to stop the look of surprise spreading across his face.

As Kane didn't say anything in reply, Rhys continued, "And I know that you're not the same man that came into our lives a few years ago. You've changed. And if Dani can cope with that. Then so can I. I wont stand in the way of you and Kirsty being. Together."

The words took a torturously long time to be forced from Rhys' mouth, but for Kane, it was more than worth the wait. A smile broke over his face as he stumbled his thanks. He and Kirsty had waited so long for acceptance, and now it had finally come, Kane couldn't hide his delight. Pushing the small string of doubt to the corner of his mind, he turned to his girlfriend's father. "You… you don't know how much that means to me, and to Kirst too. Not a day goes by when I don't regret what… happened, with Dani… what I did. But I've tried to change, I really have, and that's only happened because of Kirst. And I really love her Mr Sutherland, I love her more than I thought it was possible to love anyone, she's my life."

Rhys nodded, slightly shocked by the show of emotion from 'the monster that ruined his daughters life'. The nod was all Kane got before Rhys got to his feet and left the room. As the door patted gently shut, Kane could do nothing but smile.

* * *

"Night," Noah whispered to his brother, watching him make his way up the stairs to his surrogate bedroom.

"Night," an equally hushed reply was heard, "…I'm glad you're home."

Noah smiled and turned back to filling up his glass of water as quietly as he could. Dani and Scott were already asleep and Kit was horizontal and snoring on the couch. The brothers had stayed up talking, catching up on everything they'd missed in each others lives in the past couple of years, and reminiscing about the past, the good parts.

As the water trickled down the sides of his glass, Noah sighed. He hadn't spent the night without Kit by his bedside since he'd had the nightmares, and the truth was, he was scared. He didn't want them to come back, didn't want to be alone.

Turning the tap off, he slowly and silently made his way to the stairs, pausing to look at the sleeping Kit. She looked so impossibly beautiful when she was asleep that he couldn't help but move towards her. He placed his glass down on the table and sat on the very edge of the couch near her head, as slowly as possible, so as not to wake his angel.

Enchanted by her, he placed his hand to her forehead and stroked away a few strands of hair with his fingertips. The dimmed light caught her face beautifully, Noah had never really thought of Kit as beautiful before.

Feeling his touch, Kit opened her eyes and shifted the blanket from herself. The spell broke. Noah pulled his hand away and jumped away from Kit. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." How could he have been so stupid?

"Don't" Kit sleepily sat up, hushing his embarrassed apologies. She smiled and put her head at a slight angle. "Noah…"

Wordlessly, Noah moved to sit next to Kit. He placed his hand under her chin and lifted her head to look at him. She looked into his eyes, and he into hers. Understanding, love and joy flowing between them.

Noah moved his hand round to the side of her neck, his thumb softly stroking her cheek. "You're beautiful, you know that?" At his words Kit felt her whole body glow, warmth rushing to the place on her cheek where his thumb rested.

His hand on her neck drew her forward towards him, their faces now just inches apart. "Kit…" he breathed, unable to take his eyes from hers. Kit's heart beat so fast in her chest that she was sure he could hear it; her whole body trembled with anticipation. She leaned in closer, bringing her lips to touch his, and stroking her hand up his arm and resting it on his shoulder.

Noah closed his eyes, every emotion in his body flowing to his lips and shoulder. Kit felt his hand shake slightly on her face at the contact.

Moving his other hand around Kit's waist, Noah deepened the kiss, loving the feel of her in his arms and the feint taste of toothpaste on her lips. Kit allowed him to move his body closer to her, exploring every corner of his mouth with her tongue, breathing in the smell of his aftershave. She moved her other hand to the back of his neck and ran her hands through his hair slowly. At this, she felt his shoulder completely relax, and moved to ruffle the hairs at the back of his head softly.

Noah pulled Kit towards him with his arm around her waist, so that she was slightly on top of him, not breaking the kiss for even a second. Kit melted all over again, the feel of his strong arms around her something she'd only ever dreamt of in the past.

After a moment, Kit pulled away a little, both pairs of lips suddenly cold. She looked into Noah's eyes as he traced small circles on her lower back with his fingertips, smiled, and moved in to kiss him again. Their lips pressing against each other a little more firmly now.

Noah lay back on the couch, Kit half on top of him, and pulled the blanket around them both. They would have been perfectly happy to stay there forever.

* * *

Dani was the first to wake the next morning, and on coming downstairs had been the first to discover the sleeping Noah and Kit, arms around each other, bodies curled together, both looking impossibly happy and relaxed. Dani, being Dani, couldn't stop a quiet 'nawww' escaping her lips, and putting her hand to her mouth as people do when they see something incredibly cute. Dani also, being Dani, couldn't keep this information to herself, so quickly tiptoed back upstairs to wake up Scott and Jude.

The boys then witnessed the same scene (without the 'nawww's), and a smile crept over each of their faces. It had been obvious to everyone for weeks, except the two people concerned, that Noah and Kit were perfect for each other and totally fancied the pants of one another.

"Don't they just look so cute together," Dani whispered, not wanting to disturb them. Scott couldn't help but agree, and was also pleased to see that both of them seemed fully dressed.

"Well it took them long enough," commented Jude with a smile and a small chuckle, the way older siblings do when they've been proved right about something. The sleeping Kit and Noah on the couch, reminded him very much of the Kit and Noah on the hospital bed, but somehow Jude knew that this one would have a different outcome.

Kit awoke to the sound of the kettle clicking off. She opened her eyes tiredly and noted the body tangled around her. It didn't take long for a large smile to grace her lips.

Her fidgeting made Noah stir and he opened his eyes to meet hers. "Hey," she murmured softly. "Hey yourself," he replied, pulling her even closer to him.

Dani heard this and wasted no time in springing into the lounge area, followed by her boyfriend and Jude. This time, Kit didn't try to leave, and Noah didn't try to let her. They just stayed tangled in each others arms, both smiling at the other three.

"So you two finally got your act together then." Dani beamed, resisting (just) the urge to bounce up and down.

Noah gave a sleepy grin and snuggled back down into the blanket and couch, Kit happy to follow his lead and snuggle back down too, planting a quick kiss on his lips and resting her head on his chest.

Jude nodded to his brother before leaving the room for the kitchen. It didn't matter how slow Noah was with all the love stuff, all that mattered was that he got there in the end.

* * *

Rhys walked over to his wife slowly and wrapped his arms around her from behind. She smiled and continued to stir the crispie cake mixture that she was making. The kids had finally left for school and she was thoroughly looking forward to spending some quality time with her husband.

"I'm proud of you," she told him, bringing the spoon up to her mouth and licking a bit of the chocolate of it.

Rhys grinned at his wife's habit, "What for?"

"Talking to Kane, telling him you accept his relationship with Kirsty," she explained, pride shining through her voice, "Those two kids have been through a hell of a lot recently, and what you said would have meant a lot to them." Beth moved the spoon away as her husband made a grab for it, "I know it must have been hard for you to say."

"Yeah well," Rhys mused, "He really does love Kirst, and staying angry wasn't doing any good for anyone."

"Yeah, he does," Beth gave him the answer he needed to hear, "Don't worry love, he'll do the right thing by her."

"You're amazing Beth Sutherland, you know that?" Rhys pulled her in for a quick kiss.

"I _have_ been told once or twice," she replied playfully, stopping stirring and putting the mixture to one side. She grabbed her cup of tea and took a sip. Creasing her forehead slightly in thought.

"What you thinking about?" Rhys asked her.

"Oh," Beth snapped back to reality, "just Kit."

"Worried?"

Beth's creases appeared again, "Not really. It's just this thing with Noah. I don't want her to get hurt, she's already been through so much this year." Rhys nodded in listening agreement and took a gulp of his own tea.

"She's really got her heart set on this happening, and if it doesn't then she'll be crushed."

"And if it does?" Rhys asked.

"Then I think that'd be perfect. Noah's a lovely boy, and it's about time my daughter was happy."

"Don't you just wish you could control their lives for a day sometimes huh." Rhys looked at his wife and gave her a knowing smile, the smile of a fellow parent.

Beth turned back to the mixture and scooped up a teaspoon of it, licking half herself and then giving the rest to her husband, tapping him on the nose with it beforehand and leaving a little chocolate circle. They both began to laugh as he tried to remove it with his tongue, and failed miserably.

Their laughter was interrupted by someone literally _bouncing_ into the room. Kit jumped up and down on the spot and threw her arms around her mum. She let go and began to bounce again, "It's happened!" she squealed excitedly, ignoring the strange look she was getting from Rhys – who realised that he was interrupting a mother-daughter moment and went over to the TV.

"Love calm down," pleaded Beth, also giggling now, "What's happened?"

"Me and Noah!" Kit exclaimed. Beth's mouth widened and broke into a smile, wrapping her arms around her daughter happily. She gestured for Kit to sit down as she grabbed her cup of tea again.

Kit did this, though fidgeted so much on her stool that she might have been better still jumping. "How?" questioned Beth, once again reverting to giggly teenager mode.

"Last night, we kissed and stuff!"

"And stuff?" Beth questioned, changing from gossip to parent mode in an instant.

"No, not like that mum. It wasn't like that… _he's_ not like that." Kit defended herself and her boyfriend (_boyfriend!_) happily.

At hearing this comment, the father in Rhys couldn't help but chip in, "He's a boy Kit, they're _all_ like that."

Kit rolled her eyes at her stepfather whilst her mother chuckled. "Well Noah's different."

Beth noticed the dreamy look cloud her daughters eyes, it was the first ever time she'd seen it. "So tell me everything then, from the start, and don't leave anything out." The gossip mode had returned.

Kit grinned. "Well last night, he was going to bed, but stopped and walked over to me instead. And he sat on the edge of the couch near my head, 'cause I was sleeping on the couch, we sorted that out earlier. Can you believe that he actually wanted me to stay, 'cause Jude was going to but then… Anyway, he started to stroke my forehead, and I don't know why but I'm glad he did. And then, it must have been instinct, I woke up and…"

"…And I could've stayed there in his arms forever, he has gorgeous arms y'know. It was… it was just… perfect." Kit had related the whole story to Beth with every tiny detail, her mother 'nawwwing' and making 'cute' faces practically the whole way through. Beth couldn't believe how un-Kit like her daughter had become through the length of the story, of course, she hadn't _really_ changed, she was still Kit, and Beth was glad of that.

Beth looked at her little girl, her eyes dreamy and a smile that simply would not budge from her face. Kit had certainly… _grown_ since coming to the bay, and her relationship with her mother had improved tenfold. She was happy.

Mother and daughter looked at each other, mirrored smiles and giggles, and saw understanding in each others eyes. "I'm so happy for you love."

"I'm happy for me too," Kit replied with another giggle.

**

* * *

**

**Once again apologies for the looong time between updates, but I did warn you that it might take this long this time. I had real trouble writing Kit in this, which I can only imagine is due to her being off our screens for so long grrrrr. Actually, I had real trouble writing this full stop, I think I'm out of practice. So apologies for poorness, and mushyness hehe.**


	10. Chapter 10

Noah splashed the milk onto his cereal quickly, ignoring the drops that missed the bowl and taking a seat at the kitchen table. Dani and Scott were away in the city, a rare show of spontaneity from Kit's older brother ensured that he was back in Dani's good books after yet another argument. And Jude had met up with an old friend from TAFE at a bar the brothers went to last night and had gone to stay with him for a couple of days to catch up. Leaving Noah and Kit blissfully alone.

Not that they'd been making the use of it two people of their age were probably expected to. Ever since that night on the couch, Kit had slept in Noah's room. Having her curled up next to him at night had made Noah feel such a content and secure feeling that he'd never have thought possible before.

The only problem was, Noah was a guy, and as such donated a certain amount of time each day to thinking about one particular thing. A thing that, much to his protests, he and Kit had not yet done. And he was finding it increasingly difficult to just kiss. Of course, kissing was good, kissing Kit was great, but they were both adults and he felt they should have more.

Kit didn't disagree with him of course, but she just "didn't want to rush things" and so was continually brushing away his wandering hands and telling him that he wasn't allowed to do "any strenuous activities for at least two weeks, doctor's orders." This she said with a cheeky and teasing smile on her face; oh how much better girls were at waiting than guys. She also secretly loved the fact that he wanted her so much, and was nowhere near as good at hiding it as she was.

So Noah had resigned himself to it. Besides, he couldn't help but agree with wanting to do things right. He didn't want to rush things, he'd learnt that lesson with Hayley and he didn't want to do _anything_ that might lead him to lose Kit now. And, Kit continually assured him, it would make it all the more special in the end.

Aside from this, the new couple had been getting on famously and were loving spending so much time together and not having to deny their feelings any longer; it was a huge relief, one that gave them a big surge of happiness.

Eventually though, being pretty much confined to four walls and only occasionally making it to The Diner had started to get to Noah. Whenever he wasn't with Kit he'd been increasingly plagued with boredom, and he was sure that he'd developed a repetitive strain injury from too much Playstation. He longed for the surf and to take his bike for a spin – another forbidden thing. Jude had confiscated his keys to avoid any temptation, much to Noah's disgust. A couple of days ago the youngest Lawson brother had announced that he was going for a walk… in just his boardies, and was quickly made to go and sit on the sofa by a very assertive Kit before he even touched his surf board.

Now that those two weeks were up, however, Noah couldn't wait to grab his board and ride the waves that he sorely missed. So had gotten up early, waking an extremely grumpy Kit in the process, and was currently shovelling his breakfast down his throat faster than was humanly possible.

Kit rolled over and looked at her alarm clock – 6.30AM. She groaned and rolled back on to her side, it was far too early in the morning to be woken by a very over-eager boyfriend, and she only had to be at Uni at 12.

After a few seconds of trying and failing to get comfy again, she sighed, admitted defeat, and started to shift the warm duvet from herself. Having already been woken up, and losing the comfy place that she'd had snuggled up to her boyfriend, Kit decided that she may as well get up, she had something important to tell Noah before he left anyway. But she wasn't going to do it happily, some private consolation.

She wearily made her way down The Palace's spiral staircase, rubbing her face with the palm of her hand as she did so. Looking into the kitchen, she noticed Noah already half way through breakfast and laughed quietly to herself. He'd practically shot out of bed as soon as he woke up. She knew how excited he was about being able to surf again and found it extremely cute.

"Hey surfer boy" She sat down next to him, pausing his relentless assault on the sides of his cereal bowl long enough for him to plant a quick milky tasting kiss on her lips. Kit smiled, looking at her still new enough to be called new boyfriend.

"What?" he asked her.

"Nothing," Kit answered softly, "I just never thought I'd actually not mind being woken up this early by someone."

Noah laughed, and flashed her a cheeky grin. After swallowing his mouthful of food, he replied, "Yeah, sorry about that. But hey, it's probably for the best that I did, first day of Uni and all, you want to make a good impression, and lateness is the first sign of a failing student."

"And when did you become so rule abiding?" scoffed Kit.

"I'm in my third year now Katherine, my behaviour will set the example for the rest of the student body."

"Excuse me Mr Dean..." Kit started mockingly, "But don't you think that skipping lectures on your first day back is a bit of a bad way to set this example?"

Noah smiled sarcastically, "I have to work. And seriously though, I know you, and you would have been snoring 'till way past the time you were supposed to be if I hadn't woke you up now."

"No I would not!" Kit replied incredulously, "And I do not snore!"

Noah laughed perhaps a little too loudly, "Kit you snore like an elephant with a rope tied around its trunk!"

Kit's mouth dropped, her eyes turning from playful to devious in an instant. "I resent that. Anyway, you wouldn't be able to sleep in the same room as me if I was _that_ bad."

"I'm becoming immune to it."

"I do not snore!"

"You do!" Noah laughed more and on finishing his cereal, reached for a piece of buttered toast from his plate.

Kit snatched the plate away before he had the chance to get any, knowing full well how easy it was to bribe her boyfriend with food when he was particularly hungry.

"Hey!" Noah protested, as Kit teasingly put the toast to her mouth as if to eat it.

"Admit that I don't snore and you can have it back," Kit challenged, a glint in her eye.

"But you do!" Kit moved the toast closer to her mouth.

"Okay, okay," Noah reasoned, "you don't snore."

"Thank you," replied Kit triumphantly, handing him back his toast.

"…much," Noah muttered under his breath. For this he received a playful slap on the arm from Kit, "I heard that."

As Noah took the last bite of his toast, Kit remembered what she wanted to speak to him about, a smile spread across her face. "Hey…" she started.

"Yeah."

"Tonight… you'll definitely be home by seven wont you?"

Noah nodded. "Why?"

"Absolutely definitely?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well… it's just… Dani and Scott are still in the city for a few more days and Jude's still at his friends place right? So I just thought we could do something together," she said innocently, but with a coy smile. She kissed him and waited for a reply.

"Sure," Noah decided with a cheeky grin, getting up and making his way to the door. "What exactly do you have in mind?"

"It's a surprise," she told him. "You'll see when you get home." Her voice still had that usually cheeky and unusually coy tone to it, "two weeks are up…" she added as he went out the door.

Outside Noah stopped for a moment, still grinning, and trying to work out what his girlfriends last comment meant. Then the penny dropped and an even bigger and even cheekier grin broke over his face. He could hardly wait for tonight.

* * *

Kirsty sat beside her boyfriends bed, absentmindedly flicking through the pages of a magazine that she'd already read more than three times, and which was getting no more interesting on this occasion either. Kane's injuries had been healing well, and the doctors had even said that he might be able to go home soon. But he was getting increasingly moody and frustrated at being kept in the same place for a long period of time, and had begun to snap at his girlfriend. So much so, that on more than one occasion Kirsty had found herself making excuses to go back to the hotel. She'd tried to talk to him of course, but he just shrugged her off and told her that he was "fine".

He was awake now, but the couple had been sitting in complete silence for more than half an hour. Kane looked up from the page of his equally boring magazine that he'd read more than five times to his glass of water on his bedside table. After eyeing it for a moment and building himself up for the movement, he reached forward for it, trying to ignore the increasingly agonising blunt pain that gripped his back as he leant further down towards it. Kirsty looked up from her magazine as she heard a muffled groan of pain – a failed attempt to hide it. Kane's fingers were stretching as far as they could get towards the glass, the muscles on his arm were overly tensed and his face was red and strained with the effort. He couldn't reach any further.

Seeing what he was trying to get, Kirsty immediately took hold of the glass and held it towards him. He shakily took it off her and just about managed to force a "thanks" through gritted teeth. It was only a small thing, just a glass of water, but it was a defeat nonetheless, yet another thing to remind him of how pathetic he currently was. Inside he knew that Kirsty only wanted to help, and hadn't just done it to annoy him, but he didn't like her having to help him all the time. He didn't like being dependant on someone; he didn't like having to rely on someone. He hated it.

Kirsty sighed angrily at Kane's reaction to her offer of help. She just didn't understand why he was getting so uptight about it. All she wanted to do was help him, because she loved him. Why wouldn't he let her? Why did he keep shutting her out?

After a few more minutes of sitting in tense silence, Kirsty could take it no longer and announced that she was going for a cup of coffee. Kane watched her go as far as he could before the door shut behind her, blocking his view. He knew that he couldn't go on like this, hardly speaking to her. It was only making the situation even harder. He didn't want to lose her; he couldn't _bear_ to lose her. But he knew he would if he kept pushing her away.

He shifted slightly on the cushion he was leaning against, sighing aggressively. He couldn't get comfy; the skin on his back was not yet fully healed and so apart from itching like hell, it made it very difficult for him to rest his back against anything without experiencing pain or discomfort. This only added to his frustration, the little things building up and really beginning to grate. Moving himself into a different position again, and still feeling uncomfortable, he had to really try not to snap and smash something. He felt the anger rising up inside his body, red frustration surging through his veins. If he didn't release it soon, if the pressure kept on building, then he would explode. And that, Kane knew from experience, could have dire consequences.

* * *

Jude looked around The Diner for someone he knew. His eyes came to rest on his brother, sat having his lunch in the corner booth. He walked over to him and sat opposite. "Hey little bro."

Noah looked at Jude with a confused frown on his face. "I thought you were staying at your mates 'till tomorrow?"

Jude folded his arms on the table and stretched his shoulders, noting the part confused, part annoyed, part hopeful and part devastated look he was getting from his brother. Slightly defensively, he replied, "Yeah, I was going to, but something came up and he had to leave town for a while, so…" He shrugged his shoulders as Noah's face visibly fell, his insides pitifully crumbling into despair. "Why?" Jude asked, "You don't mind me staying do you? If it's that much trouble I can…"

"No," Noah stopped him, "Its not that. Its just…" he hesitated and shuffled awkwardly. Jude nodded for him to continue. "…me and Kit, we kinda wanted the place to ourselves tonight, y'know."

"Ahhhh," clocked Jude, in an annoying big brother kind of way, "place to yourselves eh." Noah rolled his eyes, and silently pleaded for his brother to say what he wanted to hear.

Jude chuckled at his brother's expression, "Well I suppose I could make myself scarce for one more night."

Noah's face lit up, "Sweet," he took another bite of his burger.

Jude, being an older sibling, couldn't help but wind his little brother up a bit in this particular situation. "Now listen Noah," Jude started, in a much louder than average voice, trying to keep the smile off his face at his bro's 'please shut up now' reaction. Jude was in lecture tone, Noah hated lecture tone. He continued, "this is a big step in your relationship, and you need to make sure that you're… careful about it. You need to use the right…"

Feeling annoyance that his brother could still torment him so easily even now and embarrassment at the whole Diner hearing their conversation rise in him Noah couldn't bear it any longer and cut him off. "Jude for Gods sake I'm twenty one years old, what do you think I _am_, a virgin!" Noah failed to hide the annoyance from his voice and Jude laughed, noticing Colleen lingering in their area, eyebrows raised, absorbing any free gossip and tutting at 'those young people today with no respect'.

"Oh, I know you're not little brother, on account of the fact that you slept with my girlfriend." A blunter and harsher than intended statement, but true nonetheless.

Noah's face turned from slight-annoyance to guilty, hurt and sorry in an instant and he looked down at his meal, not wanting to make eye contact. Even now he still felt guilty about it. It had been a mistake, Holly had been one of the biggest mistakes of his life – and he had made a _lot_ of mistakes. Sure he was only a kid, but he still knew what he was doing, knew how much it would hurt his brother, and Jude would never do that to him. It was one of the things that he regretted more than anything, and the thing that had almost cost him the one person who had and would always be there for him, no matter what. If he was honest with himself, he was still scared that Jude might suddenly realise what a lousy thing he did and never speak to him again.

Jude had only meant it as a gentle dig, but from his brothers reaction, he knew he had gone much too far; he'd managed to turn a perfectly easy and banter filled conversation into a very uneasy and difficult one. "Sorry," he said quietly, hoping to forget it, "that was uncalled for."

Noah looked up, "No, I'm sorry."

"Mate, it's alright now, we sorted it, I'm over it, forget it." Sure, the revelation had hurt Jude at the time, really hurt, but he'd managed to forgive his brother and had moved on. "Look, _she_ came on to you, and you were sixteen, you were just a kid, and she was twenty four, you can't carry that guilt around with you forever. So forget it okay, Holly was crazy anyway, forget it."

Noah looked into his brother's eyes and on seeing that Jude really had forgiven him, replied, "Okay." Then added, with a chuckle that didn't really fit, "and I seem to have that effect on women."

Jude nodded and then looked confused, so Noah expanded a little, "mum."

The older man's eyebrows rose in shock, he was sure that they'd got past all of this. "Bro, how Jill was wasn't your fault, don't ever think that okay." Jude could read Noah better than anyone, and was worried to see a look in his eyes that he didn't quite understand (or didn't want to), like he needed to tell him something, something big.

After a few seconds of tense silence, Jude spoke again, his voice totally sincere. "Look Noah… we're brothers yeah, we're tight, and no-one is ever gunna change that, ever." Noah nodded, he knew it was true deep down. They exchanged a look of understanding and both felt a little more comfortable.

After a while Noah went back to his burger and chips and reabsorbed himself in his thoughts of Kit. Jude mirrored Kit's actions earlier in the morning and just stared at Noah.

"What?"

Jude half smiled, "You've really fallen for her haven't you."

Noah nodded, "She makes me happy, really really happy."

"I'm glad," Jude replied, "For a while there I thought you'd be hung up on _Hayley_ forever, and I know I'm bias and everything but she really wasn't worth it." He got up from his seat and turned to leave. "Good luck with tonight." Jude winked, and left his brother with a very big grin on his face.

* * *

"Hey." The hospital door swung to a close behind Kirsty. After taking the time to think things through at her hotel, she'd realised that the only thing that mattered was that she loved Kane and he loved her; anything else could be worked through as long as they had that.

Kane put his fork down on his plate and turned to his girlfriend. Her reply came as the rattle of metal against cheap plastic. Ignoring the pangs of disappointment that she felt, she moved and sat down into her seat, "Kane…"

She stopped; she didn't know what to say, and why should she be the one to say something anyway? Things between them seemed different somehow, and why? What was it that had caused this tension? What thing had one of them said or done? What one incident had made them so strangely uncomfortable with each other? She threw a hand to her forehead and clutched a few strands of hair loosely in despair, her shoulders sinking as she breathed out deeply.

Kane looked at her, nursing her head in her hand; he loved her, he knew that much. But something was different now, there was a barrier between them, and he didn't have a clue what it was. He returned to his food – cold mashed potato and a few soggy slithers of beef, quite reflective of his mood, and their relationship. He dug his fork into the potato and brought it up towards his mouth, every mouthful an effort, an agony. The movement stretching the still healing skin across his shoulder and scratching at the nerve endings.

The tense silence hung over them once more. Each absorbed in their own thoughts, but each also painfully aware of the harsh atmosphere that enveloped them.

Kane felt that all too familiar frustration rise in him again, biting down on his lip hard. Her breathing audible over the silence, screeching into his ears like shards. The bland and slightly sickening taste of the mashed potato hung in his mouth, each determined effort to make the taste stronger grating harder and harder at his skin; another silent battle with himself. His muscles ached with the strain and his hand began to shake. Kirsty could hear his teeth grind together slightly; she closed her eyes and tried shake off the overwhelming urge to help. She failed.

"Kane, let me…"

A mistake.

She took hold of his hand with the fork in it and moved it for him.

Another.

Before she had even finished the sentence, Kane had snatched his hand away sharply.

"I can do it myself Kirst!" he half-shouted and half-spat at her.

The built up rage overflowed as he grabbed the plate in both hands and launched it into the air. Kirsty flinched at the sound of the cheap plastic shattering and the metal fork chipping the wall as it struck it and crashed to the ground, leaving gravy and cold mashed potato lashed across the floor.

Both of them froze in the silence that followed. Their bodies trembling, breathing shaky, and minds trying to comprehend what had just happened.

Without meaning to, Kirsty took two steps away from Kane; she was scared of him, scared of him for the first time in a long while. It took this for Kane to break out of his daze and realise what he'd just done, it didn't matter about the plate, it was what he'd done to Kirsty that killed him, he saw it in her eyes. It was a look that he'd seen far too often on his mothers face as a child, and he hated himself for it. He'd promised himself that he would never hurt her, and now he'd gone back on his word.

"I'm sorry, Kirst please…" his voice was the most desperate Kirsty had ever heard, but she couldn't stop, she couldn't say it was okay. She took a few more steps back towards the door, unable to stop the tears from falling.

"Kirst…" his voice cracked through the stillness, choked over emotion. She turned and ran, out the door, down the hallway, and outside, not stopping when she heard him cry her name – an anguished scream.

"KIRSTY!"

Kane tried to go after her but was crippled with even more pain. Instead he grabbed the water from his bedside and threw that against the wall too, then anything he could grab hold of. Blood pumped hard in his ears and under his skull, so that it felt as if he would burst. He flailed his arms madly, punching anything that got in his way – the pillow, the table, his own body; now oblivious to the physical pain.

He carried on thrashing his anger out until he had no more strength left in his body. A single tear squeezed through the creases of his eyelids and trickled down his tensed scarlet face. He held his head in his hands and finally let go, rocking back and forth in agony. He cried his tears into his hands, flooding himself with too many emotions. He cried for Kirsty. Cried for himself, for his scars. For his dad, his mum, for Scott. For _crying_, for being a 'pathetic little bastard', for giving in.

The plate was only a little thing, just one incident that would barely register in his memories. But these little things, you see, they all mount up.

* * *

6.50PM

Kit smiled apprehensively as she surveyed the dimly lit room, hers and Noah's. It had taken her hours to get everything done, and now that it was almost ready she was beginning to get nervous. She chuckled at herself and shook her head as she struck yet another match, "I can't believe I'm going to this much trouble for a guy."

She'd been shopping that afternoon and bought everything she'd need. The candles were now positioned with very un-Kit-like precision around the room – on the wardrobe, the windowsill, the bedside tables, and some casually placed on the floor. Some lightly scented but most just ordinary tee lights. Now that they were all lit and casting a warm, romantic glow over the room, Kit was beginning to wonder if she'd bought too many.

Blowing out the final match, she opened the pack of rose petals and threw them loosely over the bed and the floor. The deep red contrasting nicely with the purplish material of the fresh bed linen, which Kit had washed herself that morning. She'd tidied the room and routed out an old present from someone that she thought she'd never use – massage oils – probably from Dani. She chuckled again, purple wasn't a Kit thing, neither were massage oils, or rose petals, and they weren't exactly Noah's style either. But she wanted everything to be perfect, and sometimes perfection requires you to try something new.

Straightening the material across one of the pillows slightly, she glanced around her masterpiece. After a moment, she smiled to herself, finally happy and feeling excitement bubbling inside her. The room was sorted, she was sorted, dinner was cooking downstairs and Noah was going to be here in less than ten minutes.

Taking a deep breath, she walked over to her full-length mirror, something that she had done far too many times tonight already. Looking at herself stood in the now finished room, her face faintly fell. As much as she hated to admit it, image had always been a problem to Kit, and now she was worried what Noah would think of her. She ran her fingers through a piece of her freshly washed and styled hair, now slightly longer and coloured a warm reddish brown, straight, just above the shoulder, and a jagged cut. It flattered her face more than her old style. She managed half a smile.

She'd actually bothered to do make up, just a touch, to accentuate her best features, not to cover her up – warm colours, to match her hair. Touching the corner of her eye to remove the only remaining imperfection, she took a step backwards, showing her whole body.

The white silk dressing gown she had on hung lightly over her body and was tied loosely at the waist, showing skin just above her knees and down her chest in a V. She loosened the tie and opened it, silently praying to look better than she did the last time she looked. She half smiled, she would do. In the warmly lit room her skin didn't look as pale as it usually did, and she had lost a bit of weight with the worrying to hell over Noah – one of the only good things to come from it. On her shopping spree earlier in the day, she had finally taken the bull by the horns and bought herself some new underwear – after going in and out of the shop enough times for the shop assistant to ask if she needed any help. She had decided on something lacy, again very un-Kit-like but she figured that Noah would like it, and besides, she _did_ look good in it.

The black material contrasted perfectly to her newly softened pale skin. The lace on the bra showing a little flesh, but not too much, a glimpse. It fitted around her without pressing in and held everything nicely in place, giving her a hint of cleavage for the dressing gown. She had chosen french style knickers, bargaining with a thong but eventually deciding against it. They came low around her hips, with the lace pattern trailing out slightly at the top of her thighs. They hid everything she wanted them to and made her ass look more fabulous than it ever had before.

She smiled and nodded, she would do.

6.58PM

Hearing the turn of keys in the door, Kit let out a small yelp and spritzed herself with perfume quickly. Running out of the room she made one last check; she was okay, the candles were lit, curtains were drawn, petals were okay, dinner was cooking. Everything was going to be fine.

"You weren't supposed to be home for anther two minutes," she called downstairs as she quickly hopped down herself.

Noah laughed at her comment before closing the door behind him and turning around. He was about to reply to her when his eyes focused on the scene before him. His eyebrows arched and his mouth hung open.

Kit was stood, dressed in nothing more than a silk dressing gown, leaning oh so seductively and a little flustered on the doorframe, and dinner was cooking and smelling delightful.

"Hey," she spoke, moving towards him slowly, trying to bite back the nerves that were rising inside her.

She came to stop in front of him and took his keys out of his hand for him, as he seemed incapable of doing anything but staring at her. She blushed slightly and turned her head down, "Is the staring a good thing or a bad thing?"

Noah blinked hard and finally woke up from his daze, "Kit I… you… you look…" He gave up trying to find the words and tilted her head up towards him with his hand, before capturing her in one of the most passionate kissed she had ever received.

Kit brought her hand up to stroke the side of his face tenderly and relaxed into his arms around her, a feeling she was starting to get used to, and one that she loved. After a few minutes of standing in the kitchen she pulled away and broke the kiss. Only moving an inch away from him and effectively speaking into his mouth. "Dinner should be ready in a second," she spoke softly; he kissed her again before pulling away again briefly.

"So…?" he replied, cheekiness flooding his voice. Kit joined their lips again and lifted her hand to the back of his neck, pulling gently on the hairs at the back of his head, something which by now, she knew he loved. As he moved his hand up her body she didn't protest and adjusted position so they could get closer.

"Well, aren't you hungry?" she asked softly as his lips trailed down to the base of her neck, leaving gentle kissed behind. He moved his other hand under the lip of her dressing gown on her thigh and traced it up her body, his touch sending a warm feeling all the way up Kit's body. "Not for food," he replied with a small grin and brought his lips to hers again, loving the feel of her soft skin under his hand.

Despite herself, Kit giggled and started to move backwards towards the stairs. Noah needed no further encouragement and moved slowly up the stairs alongside his girlfriend, not breaking the kiss for an instant.

Kit reached behind her and turned the handle to their bedroom, the door pushed open with her back pressed against it. Noah pushed her back onto the bed and lowered himself slowly on top of her, lips still together.

Kit shuffled further up the bed so that her head was resting on the pillow and ran her warm hands up underneath his shirt, feeling the muscles on his back and stomach tense briefly at her touch. "So what do you think…?" she asked, referring to the room. She made to deepen the kiss but found him pulling away from her.

Looking up suddenly she saw his face drop and turn far too pale. He roughly pushed himself off her and stood up, his hand shaking as he put it to his head. "What… what's up…?" Kit asked, pleaded, feeling suddenly cold without the warmth of his body pressed against hers.

Noah looked at her and shook his head in disbelief, hurt and anger rising inside him. He had trusted her, how stupid was he? "Is this supposed to be funny!" he shouted. Kit wrapped her arms around herself for comfort; feeling more confused than she had ever been before. Noah's breathing was beginning to get very rapid, and he was shaking more. Before Kit even had the chance to say something he ran out of the room, down the stairs, and out the door. Leaving a shattered Kit to cry helplessly on the bed, curled up tight into a ball and flinching at the sound of the door slamming shut. She had trusted him.

Outside, Noah failed to stop the tears from cascading down his face as the harsh air hit his skin. He sank to his knees and held his head in his hands as he wept. He had trusted her. His head whirled with images and voices, the candles around the room burning into his mind and flooding it with memories of his past, of his mum, demons once forgotten now horrifyingly relived.**

* * *

**

Woah! That was a way long chapter. I'm not totally happy with it but, well, I never am. And don't worry, next chapter there'll be reconciliations all round... or will there... cackle.  
Jess: Glad you liked it hun :) and Stacy: Thanks so much for the review, I'm really glad you're enjoying it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Warning: Graphic-ish/depressing-ish references to child abuse in this chapter. Please don't read if you'll be easily offended by this. Otherwise, enjoy...**

As the light from her torch finally found what she had been looking for, Kit turned it off with a click – the moon giving enough light. She took a deep breath, pushed the nerves to the back of her mind, and began walking over to him. Noah. Sitting in a cluster of rocks and looking out to sea, his elbows rested on his knees and his hands held together in front of him.

She wrapped her arms around her body as the cool sea breeze touched her skin, tucking them up into the folds of one of his hooded jackets. After sitting and crying for just under an hour, she'd realised that she wasn't willing to throw away what they had. So, after casting off the nightgown and chucking on a pair of her jeans and one of Noah's way-too-big-for-her tops, and looking a lot more Kit-like, she had set out, torch in hand, to find him and to sort things out.

When she was about five metres away, close enough for him to hear her, she stopped. She noticed him realise she was there, and felt the threatening lump in her throat rise as she saw him wipe a bit of his shirt over his eyes furiously.

"Just… go away Kit." She heard the emotion in his voice as it cracked. He didn't sound angry with her, as he had done before, he sounded flat, defeated almost.

Slowly, she moved to sit down next to him, keeping her arms tightly folded. He turned his head away from her so she could only see the very side of his face, his eyes still fixed on the horizon. "I can't do that," she told him quietly but firmly.

She noticed him swallow hard and fixed her eyes on a bit of rough rock in front of her, not being able to stand the silence. "I've been looking for you everywhere… I should have guessed you'd be here really shouldn't I…" He shook his head bitterly as her poor attempt to ramble through the situation trickled out.

Feeling the tears begin to well up inside her again, Kit blinked firmly and looked towards her boyfriend. "Noah, I… I don't understand… I don't _know_ what I've done wrong, I don't _know_ why you're being like this, I…" The steely determination in her voice faltered slightly as she moved to touch his arm and he shook her off roughly.

"Please don't be like this…" she was failing to hide the hurt from her quiet voice, "…I never meant to hurt you, I don't know how I did, I…" As Noah slowly turned to look at her, Kit could see that he'd been crying. The tension drained from his face as he looked into her eyes, finding only honesty, pain and confusion. "You have to believe me," she looked deep into his tear stained blue eyes, willing him to realise, "I never meant to hurt you."

After studying her face carefully and taking a deep breath, he shakily replied. "I know."

A small warm smile spread over Kit's lips, the unshed tears in her eyes shining in the moonlight. "It's just… It…" Noah sighed, searching his girlfriends face for any sign that she understood already so he wouldn't need to actually say it. "Is it to do with your mum?" she asked him cautiously, they had never really mentioned those nights at the hospital again. He looked down, confirming her answer. She placed her hand over the top of his tenderly. "You don't have to tell me," she reassured him.

Noah looked up at her again, in her eyes he could see that she was trying desperately to understand. "I think I do," he replied, "I need to explain." Kit nodded encouragingly, wincing inside as he struggled to find the words to start.

After a long pause, he swallowed the steadily rising lump in his throat and tried to form a sentence. "It was the fire." Kit squeezed his hand gently, acknowledging that she knew how hard this was for him – even if she didn't know why. "It… it brought…" He sighed; he'd never actually tried to put this into words before, just a loose feeling inside his own head.

He took yet another deep breath and started again, noting Kit becoming more confused. "Remember at the hospital?" he asked her, "…when I had those… nightmares?" Kit nodded, giving him her full support. "Well, it was because of the fire. Well not because of it, it was more that it… it brought back some memories."

Kit squeezed his hand again, glad that he was finally opening up to her. "Of your mum?"

"Yeah," he replied, in a small and wavering voice, "I've told you about her, with the religious stuff and everything?" At the end of his sentence he lost all confidence and hoped that that would suffice Kit's questions.

She looked into his eyes again, trying to show him that she didn't care what had happened, it wouldn't change her feelings for him. "It's more than that though, isn't it?" She spoke gently, not wanting to rush him, he had obviously kept these things locked up for a long time and she couldn't expect him to be able to talk freely and calmly about it just for her sake. He looked down at his hands again, giving her the answer she already knew.

He nodded slowly and uncertainly, before looking up and into her eyes again, showing her fear, hope, pain and unshed tears. "I can trust you, can't I?" He asked her, his voice small and desperately needing an honest answer. She nodded, noticing how pale he was looking. "No, I mean _really_ trust you?" She nodded again, searching his eyes for a sign that he believed her; she needed him to trust her. Finally finding his answer in her face, Noah blinked hard, and prepared to tell her what he had vowed he would never tell anyone.

Kit shuffled up closer to him so that their bodies were touching, she linked her fingers with his and tried to give him the most encouraging look she could manage. She knew how much this was killing him, and as he turned his face out to sea again and the moon cast a slightly warmer glow over it; glistening into the tears in his eyes, a fear began to rise inside her. She was scared. Scared of what he might tell her, scared of saying the wrong thing, scared that she wouldn't be able to give him the strength he needed, scared that she'd hurt him even more.

After a few minutes silence, and Noah trying to find the words to start with, he decided that the only possible place would be the beginning; it was all or nothing. Out of the stillness, his determined voice began…

"When dad left," Kit nodded, glad that the silence was over, "my mum she… she changed. She couldn't cope anymore, just stayed in her room all day and cried. I think it was that that made her like she was. And I don't know why either. I mean, from what I can remember of him anyway, he was just always drunk… and he hit her, and us. You'd think that she'd be glad he was gone."

"Maybe she loved him?" Kit suggested softly, again not wanting to rush him and trying to be actively helpful instead of just listening. She knew it wasn't enough though, she wished she could be more like Noah. He'd always known exactly the right thing to say to her to help, but whatever _she_ said, Kit was sure, only made him feel worse.

"Maybe," Noah conceded, "but I hate him for it; I hate him for leaving …I hate him for making her hate me." His voice wasn't angry, it was defeated – after ignoring this for so long he hadn't any fight left in him.

Kit just held his hand and stayed silent, she wasn't quite sure how best to respond to that, but before she had the chance to he started speaking again.

"After a few months things seemed to get back to normal. But… but then about, I dunno, a year later, she started getting more and more into religion. At first we didn't think much of it, it was just little things, like having to go to church every Sunday and not being allowed to watch what we wanted on TV (which I think is why I got into reading) – nothing really to be suspicious about."

"Then one day, I remember, it was my birthday and she'd bought a computer – not really a birthday present for me (I was only six) but I thought it was for me anyway." Kit smiled slightly as Noah gave a small laugh, she realised that this was probably the first good thing about his past with his mother that he'd ever told her. "We went to this theme park in the afternoon, and it was just the three of us. I remember Jude putting me on his shoulders so I could throw a ball at one of the clowns' heads on one of the stalls. I won this goldfish, but cut air holes into the bag so it could breathe and all the water ran out. Jude tried to save me the guilt of killing an animal at six years old by walking round with his hands covering the holes, and getting soaked in the process." Kit chuckled and he smiled, with his lips not his eyes.

"It died in the end anyway, but Jude made it into something funny so I wouldn't be upset. Then, when we were about to have dinner and were saying grace – that was another of the little things we'd got used to – Jude made this face like a fish… and I laughed."

He paused; it was time for the storm. "She grabbed my arm and pulled me up to my room without saying a word. Then brought the computer and all my books downstairs and into a big pile in the garden. She lit a match, told me it was my fault for disrespecting God, set fire to the pile, and went back to her dinner. Jude came out and tried to put the fire out, he didn't make it into something funny. I sat down on the floor and cried." He paused. "I never laughed during one of her prayers again."

Kit stroked her hand over his upper arm, waiting for him to compose himself and speak again. She had no idea what to say to him to make it all better, and felt the anger towards his mother rising inside her. Not able to understand why anyone would want to hurt their own child. What was worse though, was that she knew that was only the beginning.

Noah's bitter voice began again… "After that, she started getting into the religious stuff more, she went to church every other day and started praying all the time. And if we'd do something wrong she always used to say that God would punish us for it, I guess after a while she decided it would be _better_ for her to do the job for him." He paused and shook his head.

"Then one day I got into trouble at school, for fighting or something, I can't remember. But anyway, when I got home and told her, she… she locked me in the basement until the next morning. I just remember it being really… cold."

"Why did she…" Kit was beginning to realise that Noah's mum hadn't ever really needed a reason to do anything.

"Apparently 'the Devil wouldn't find me there'." For once Kit didn't laugh or comment at the sarcasm in her boyfriend's voice.

"What about Jude, didn't he say…?"

Noah cut her off again, knowing what she was going to ask. He chuckled hollowly. "He was staying at his friends house – and she made me promise not to tell him, apparently if I told him it wouldn't have worked and she'd have to do it again, y'know 'our little secret' stuff. This kinda became a pattern after a while, if she had one of her punishments to dish out, then she'd always wait until Jude was out."

"Did she only…"

Noah started speaking before she could finish her question, Kit didn't stop him and ask it again, she just let him speak when he needed to and held his hand. What more could she do?

"I think that was like a turning point for her, she knew that I wouldn't say anything to anyone, so she could do whatever she wanted… so she did."

Kit braced herself for the stories that she didn't want to hear, but knew he had to tell her.

"When I was about seven, I came in from playing outside with my friends, we were climbing trees and pretending to be Tarzan. There was a girl called Jane you see, she lived on the next street and…" Kit waited for him to run out of insignificant details to tell her. "And anyway, when I got home my mum gave me a drink… but it wasn't lemonade, like she said it was, it… it was bleach."

Noah flinched inwardly as he heard Kit fail to suppress a small gasp. "Please don't hate me…" he pleaded, "I shouldn't be telling you all this, I'm sorry, I…"

"Noah…" Kit struggled with the words and eventually found there was nothing else she could say but, "It's okay," and kissed his forehead. She nodded for him to continue.

"Apparently it was to clean out my soul, from the Devil or something like that. It hurt Kit, it really hurt."

As the memory began to grind it's way into him, Noah took a sharp breath in and switched to the next incident, random and unordered.

"Another time, I remember, I came home from school. Jude was staying at one of his friend's houses again and I'd got into trouble with one of the neighbours – they said I'd been 'tormenting' their cat and had stressed it out, when actually I'd rescued it from a tree and was just playing with it – I hadn't been punished for it yet. I so wanted to walk in a different direction when my friend's mum dropped me off; I stood on the doorstep for fifteen minutes before finally going inside. Maybe if I'd have had the courage to run the other way, then everything might have been okay. But I didn't, I was only a kid Kit, I didn't know what else to do." Kit placed both of her hands gently over his.

"…She made me sit in a bath full of boiling water for an hour. My skin went like it does when you get sunburnt, and I couldn't move without it hurting for weeks."

"Didn't Jude know?" Kit asked, finding it hard to accept that no one had noticed, or if they had, that no one had done anything about it.

"Not really, she made me swear not to tell him. He knew some things of course but only things that weren't really that abnormal, like her shouting at me and stuff. But he didn't know anything else, she'd stop anything she was doing when he came in and she was good at hiding any marks. She… she was different with him… she never gave him any of her punishments, I guess it was 'cause she knew he could fight back."

Kit felt her insides crumbling as Noah had to try to stop himself from crying, no longer able to drain the emotion from his voice. "When she hit me… I couldn't fight back… I couldn't stop her Kit… how pathetic is that!"

Kit put her hand up to his face to sooth him "Shhh… _No_, it's not pathetic at all, you were just a kid Noah, none of this is your fault, yeah." He slowly lifted his head up and managed to keep the tears in his eyes, blinking them away furiously.

His breathing shaky, he continued… "Another time, Jude was out again, and I don't even remember what I'd done, or if I'd even done anything at all. Anything seemed to be a punishable offence after a while. She shut us both in the kitchen, me and her, and rolled my sleeve up. Then she turned the cooker on – we had one of those gas hob things, one that you had to light with a match. And she grabbed my arm and put it over it… over the flame. And she just watched as my arm burnt. I tried to fight back, I tried to pull my arm away, but she was too strong. And I cried, I couldn't stop crying, I _really_ tried to stop – it was like giving in to her, like she'd won… again."

Kit felt hot tears prick at her eyes. Noah carried on, his voice on autopilot. "I begged her to let me go to hospital, but she wouldn't. She said that faith in God was the only medicine I needed. All she did was run my arm under the tap and make me wear a long sleeved top so that Jude wouldn't notice. My skin stuck to it. …I told her I hated her." He wasn't even thinking about the words anymore, just letting them spill out, it was all his mind allowed him to do.

"She totally lost it, hitting me and everything… not just with her hands and feet. When she'd finally finished she sent me to bed. I never went to sleep. After a few hours she burst in and literally dragged me by the arm downstairs, I don't know how many ribs I must've broken. She ripped my pyjamas off and made me stand naked in the middle of the room, before turning all the flames of the cooker on and demanding that I lie on it." Kit couldn't stop a tear and a sob from escaping.

"I don't know whether it was supposed to be some kind of fucked up sacrifice or whether she thought that she hadn't gone far enough earlier. But I know it was because I told her I hated her."

"I didn't move; I just stood there pathetically crying. When she tried to drag me there I fought back as best as I could, it was no use though, she was stronger… in every way. I was seconds away from giving in, and letting her do whatever she wanted, letting her win… again. But then I heard the door opening… Jude came home, I don't know why, it was really late and he was supposed to be at his friend's house, but if he hadn't then… She freaked, threw my clothes at me and told me to get dressed and stop crying while she distracted him and planned her next excuse."

He stopped, the words sinking in all at once. Kit watched in horror as the realisation finally hit home after so many years. He let out a painful breathless sob, as if he'd been shot. Kit couldn't stop her tears as she threw her arms around him, hugging him to her. As the tears began to trace their way down his face, Noah looked up at Kit, killing her with the pain in his eyes. His voice cracked through the darkness. "Why doesn't she love me Kit? …What did I do that was so wrong?"

Kit did nothing but hold him to her as he put his head in his hands and completely broke down into her arms. "No, you didn't do anything…" she sobbed, "none of this is your fault. It's going to be okay… I promise… shhhhhh…"

After a while, as Noah's strangled sobs gradually began to fade and Kit stopped the tears from cascading down her face, Noah sat back up properly, nursing his head in his hands and shaking. "You don't have to tell me anything else," Kit told him, "It's okay, let's just go back home."

Noah shook his head slowly, finally managing to grab hold of his emotions. "I _need_ to tell you this Kit."

Her heart nodded that she could do that, but her mind told her that any more just might break him.

After another couple of silent minutes, Noah spoke, his voice a little stronger than it had been previously. "I know she was ill," he admitted, "but it doesn't make it any easier, y'know."

Kit nodded again, cursing herself for not being able to think of anything helpful to say, but contenting herself with squeezing his hand.

"Didn't anyone _ever_ realise what she was doing to you?" Kit asked, hate for the woman boiling inside her.

"I think they must've had an idea at school, but where I grew up it was pretty, erm… I'll say rough – so kids covered in bruises weren't exactly uncommon. But social services came round a few times."

"Didn't they do anything?"

Noah laughed. "She was good at hiding the psychotic pyromaniac and pretending to be the struggling but dutiful and loving mother with two boys who had a knack for getting up to mischief. They fell for the act every time. I guess that's part of the reason I wanted to become a counsellor, so that maybe I'd _know_ if the same sort of thing was happening… and I could stop it."

Kit's heart swelled with pride for her boyfriend and she let him know this in her eyes.

"Why didn't you tell Jude, I thought you were really close?"

"We were… we are. I just, I dunno, I couldn't… I just… I was scared." Kit gave him an encouraging look, trying to withhold as much pity as she could.

"Kit…" he started, "Why I lost it before…" Kit half smiled, letting him know that she understood, "there was another… incident… it…"

Noah took another deep breath. "I was older, about 14 or 15, and I woke up in my room. I felt the heat straight away but it took a while to realise that my room was actually on fire. See, she'd put all these candles around my bed – to keep the Devil away – and they'd fell over and set my sheets on fire in the night." Kit cringed inside, hating herself, she had made him feel like this, she had brought all these things back up; she had really _really_ hurt him.

Noah cut her off before she could apologise; it wasn't Kit fault. "I managed to get out of my room and get downstairs. She was watching TV, some bad American soap opera. I told her what was happening, I was choking from the smoke by now, and she just looked at me, and then closed the door to the living room and said we were just going to stay there. I tried to make her call the fire brigade, but she wouldn't. I was _so_ scared."

"And… and you know what she said?" Kit shook her head. "She said it wouldn't matter if I died, because of all her prayers I'd go to heaven. She… she didn't care if I died. She's my mum Kit, she's supposed to look after me and love me… I…" He had to stop again. He swallowed hard, suppressing the emotion rising in him.

"Eventually one of the neighbours must've called the fire brigade, but we'd passed out 'cause of the smoke before they got there. We were in hospital for a few days for smoke inhalation. She explained it away, and no one ever questioned her. And I'm sorry Kit, there's no way you could've known, but I just… I'm sorry."

Kit didn't speak, but instead reached forward and planted a gentle, loving kiss on his lips as an answer. It was okay. Noah smiled slightly, he was so emotionally drained that that was all he was able to do in response.

"I think that's when Jude started to realise that there was something seriously wrong. He made me tell him everything. I didn't though… it's easier not to think about it. …You're the only person I've _ever_ told everything to, Kit." She couldn't stop a warm smile from spreading across her face at this. After him trusting her _so_ much, she felt an amazingly strong connection to him, something she'd never felt with anyone else.

She watched as the tension from his face drained and he looked at her, with a look that she couldn't quite distinguish. "I told you…" he said to her, softly and honestly, "I told you because I love you." This was the only emotion he had left to feel, but it was enough.

Kit looked deep into his eyes and put her hand to his face. Hearing him say the words that she had longed for so much and that she'd thought she would only ever hear in her dreams, she couldn't describe the feeling that enveloped her, made her warm in the night sea breeze.

Love.

Leaning in for a kiss, slowly, and slightly cheekily, she replied, "Well that's lucky then, isn't it? 'Cause I just happen to love you too, surfer boy."

**Authors note: I really strugged with this chapter, so I can only appologise for quality/lateness etc... Also, I'm thinking of not carrying on with the story from here. It's becoming more of a chore to write it, when it should be fun. Sorry, I'll see how I feel in a few days. ThanksJess and Stacy forthe great reviews though, they always make me smile :)**


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